


Behind Your Mask

by Itsuey



Category: Naruto
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-03
Updated: 2012-02-05
Packaged: 2017-10-30 13:41:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 41
Words: 32,546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/332350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Itsuey/pseuds/Itsuey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After attempting to steal Iruka's hair tie, Kakashi discovers more than he was bargaining for about the seemingly innocent Chuunin.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> It has been pointed out to me that this story lacks warnings for which I am incredibly sorry, I forgot to put them in and I really can't apologise enough to anyone I may have caused psychological trauma with this. 
> 
> So please note this story contains references and graphic depiction of rape, sexual abuse of a minor, self harm, eating disorders, homophibia, a couple of references to suicide, drug use and quite a bit of swearing

"Kakashi! My Eternal Rival! I Challenge you to steal my beloved students' former sensei's hair tie!"

The blindingly orange book was lowered and a single eye fell on the green-clad jounin in front of him... Surely he couldn't be serious? Steal a chuunin's hair tie?

"Maa, feeling old today are we Gai? Stealing a chuunin's hair tie will be easy." 

"If that is the case then you shall prove your youthfulness and take it without anyone seeing!"

The orange book went away and the slouching figure leapt off into the trees.

Gai chuckled to himself as he turned to meet his students. If Kakashi successfully stole the tie, he would run 30 times from Konoha to Suna and back, backwards, upside down on his thumbs.

**

Iruka sighed, he could feel the jounin following him all the way from the academy to the mission's office, and now it seemed, he was going to follow him home. He rubbed his thumb across the scar on his face, he was really not in the mood to be followed around by a jounin.

**

Kakashi looked up from his reading just to avoid walking slap into a tree. Iruka had walked up the steps of an apartment building across the street and was trying to open the door with his arms full of papers. He stifled a laugh as he watched the chuunin struggle, enjoying the other's annoyance he could feel coming off him in waves as the door refused to budge. Eventually, however, it seemed Iruka had won the battle and the door surrendered with a creak.

The silver-haired man waited for a minute or two before making his way casually across the road to the back of the building where he promptly walked straight up the back of the rectangular construction, peeking into windows as he passed to see which apartment was Iruka's. He eventually found it, six stories up. 

A small cozy bedroom greeted him as he peered in through the window, the bed made with black sheets and the walls a deep shade of blue. On the mahogany side table there was a picture of Naruto and beside it, a picture of a very young-looking Iruka with his parents. He was slightly surprised to see Iruka wearing white of all colours in the picture, having never seen him in anything other than his dark blue and green uniform. 

He ducked out of sight as the door swung open and Iruka walked in looking tired and annoyed. He took off the jacket and threw it onto the bed before making his way through a second door which Kakashi supposed must lead to the bathroom. Sure enough, he heard the sound of rushing water and deemed it safe to enter. He pushed up the window. It didn't budge. He began to wonder if it was a habit of all doors and windows in this place to get stuck. He tried again. It moved an inch and let out the most horrible screeching sound as it ground against the sides. 

The water stopped.

He leapt away from the window and pulled it shut again, wincing at the second screech it emitted and fled into the trees. So much for that plan. 

**

Iruka walked into his bedroom with a towel around his waist, hair dripping down his back. He examined the window carefully. It had been opened recently, the hair he had put there was gone, and in it's place was a shorter, silver one. Iruka glared out of the closed window into the night, as if expecting to see the copy-nin if he stared hard enough. 

Eventually he gave up and fell back onto the bed, kicking his green jacket off the end as he did so, curling up and falling fast asleep, the water from his hair soaking slowly into the pillow.

**

Kakashi returned to the window a few minutes after he saw Iruka's face leave the glass. He perched on the sill and looked at the sleeping chuunin. "Damn," he whispered, realizing the teacher had left his hair tie in the bathroom. He was not going to search through another man's bathroom, that was just.. He shuddered, not wanting to know what he might find in this particular man's bathroom. After all, if Icha Icha had taught him anything, it was always the quiet ones...


	2. Chapter 2

"Shit."

The brown-haired man rolled over and threw an arm over his face to block out the sunlight spilling through the curtain-less window. Due to an incident a few weeks ago with his now deceased alarm clock, a kunai and a fire jutsu, the curtains were no more. He sneezed and promptly fell out of bed onto the hard wooden floor. The towel which had been wrapped around him last night was nowhere to be found this morning. 

He left the bed unmade and walked slowly into the kitchen, walking into the door frame as he did so, his eyes still glued shut with sleep. Contrary to popular belief, Iruka was far from a morning person. He swore again at the sight of the empty cupboards before him but then decided he really couldn't be bothered to eat anything anyway, it wasn't like he usually had breakfast.

**

Kakashi awoke the next morning, cold and stiff from sleeping in a tree two hundred yards away from the chuunin's apartment. For a moment he wondered why he was sleeping in a tree and in a fit of sleep-induced fear, deduced he had been captured by enemy nin, before his memory overruled the horrible thought and reminded him where he was. 

He stood up on his branch just in time to see the tan chuunin fall out of bed with an inaudible crash before deciding he really had to see Gai.

**

"Ah, My Eternal Rival! Your Hip Attitude is Outstanding! You have until a week to complete your Youthful Challenge! And no, Fair Iruka-Sensei may not see you take his possessions!"

Kakashi nodded and quickly backed out of the clearing before he had anymore of Gai's 'youthful speeches' inflicted upon him. He didn't think he'd had enough time to recover from he last one yet. A week. Today was a Saturday, he had until next Saturday to find the damn thing and get hold of it without anyone, including the damn thing's owner seeing him.

**

The weekend came, and went, much to Iruka's displeasure, especially when he awoke on the Monday to find his hair all knotted from not brushing it for the duration of two days. On that hated first day back at school, he had not one, not two, but three escape attempts from Konohamaru and his gang of unruly pains. Not that he'd ever say it to their faces, but he'd so love to kick one of them right now. 

He decided, settling down behind the desk in the mission's office, this day could only get better from now on.

"Hey Iruka." Genma waltzed in, senbon in his mouth as usual, winking at his colleague as he passed, flicking the pony tail.

Iruka's hand shot out as instinct, going to bat Genma's hand away as he did every time his friend came in, only to realise a second to late, that the hand he had hit Genma with was attached to the arm which was propping him up on the desk. SLAM. 

"Owwwww" he moaned, cradling the side of his face where he'd hit the hard wooden surface, feeling for blood, but thankfully finding none. He heard a snigger from the far side of the room and glared at the woman sitting there behind the mountain of paperwork. Shizune glared back, evidently annoyed at being made to work in the mission's office.

**

"So Gai, did you manage?"

"I have challenged him to steal the Youthful Teacher's Hair Tie, with both of them in the Sprin-"

"Thank you, Gai!" She cut him off quickly, not wanting to hear anymore Gai-talk for the moment. It was times like this, she really wished for a drink. "How long have you given him?"

"A week, Hokage-Sama."

She nodded, looking thoughtful, wondering how long it would take Kakashi to get the band off the smaller man, and if he could do it without having to be dragged back to the hospital afterwards.


	3. Chapter 3

The week passed at varying speeds for varying people. For Iruka, it crawled past, like a snail, unaware that there is something beyond the end of the path it is slithering along. For Kakashi, it leapt past in bounds, much as Iruka was doing, moving from one place to another, all in quick succession so Kakashi never had a chance to get the chuunin's hair tie, let alone without him seeing. Hence, Sunday morning found Kakashi sitting dejectedly on a rock beside Gai.

"I failed."

"My Eternal Rival! This means that the Score Is 362-360 to me! My Eternal Rival, are you Loosing Your Youthfulness? Are You-"

"No, Gai, I'm just annoyed that I was outsmarted by a chuunin. I used to be in ANBU, how could I fail to do something so simple as steal a chuunin's hair tie? He's a teacher Gai! A low level chuunin fucking teacher!"

Silence fell over them for a few minutes before Gai rose from his position in the grass next to Kakashi's rock and proclaimed he was going to train with his team. 

As he left, Kakashi felt a wave of sadness steal over him. Gai still had a team, he still had people who depended upon him. He had proof that he was a good teacher. "And what happens to the one team I pass?" He muttered angrily. "They get taken away from me, all to be trained by one of the legendary sannin, what does that say about my teaching skills?" He grabbed a nearby stone and threw it into a tree nearby, ducking as it came flying back at him.

He used to be in fucking ANBU. How could a mere chuunin beat him? He threw another rock, at exactly the same angle as he had the last. This time, he didn't manage to get out of the way.

**

Sunday afternoon found Kakashi perched outside Iruka's apartment again. This time, though, the chuunin didn't seem to have noticed him. In fact, he seemed so engrossed in whatever he was writing that he wasn't noticing anything around him. Kakashi noticed with faint amusement there was an alarm clock on the sideboard, obviously new from the look of the box laying on the floor. He wondered what had happened to the old one, and what had happened to the curtains, or had the chuunin simply never had any?

An hour later, Kakashi was beginning to get bored. This was the same game he had been playing with the chuunin all week and he was not going to continue it. Surely there had to be a way of getting the chuunin to just give him the damn thing. Perhaps he could blackmail him into taking it out and leaving it on a table somewhere for him to pick up? Unfortunately, there didn't seem to be any blackmail material on the chuunin. There had to be something though. He was just too damn happy all the time, there must be something behind that smile he could use?

Just as he was about to turn and leave, Iruka set down the book he was writing in and rolled over onto his side, picking up one of the frames by his side. Kakashi couldn't tell which one it was from the angle he was at, but he guessed it had to be the one with his parents, judging from the tears which began to run down the scarred face. Perhaps the Gods had finally decided he deserved something to help him. Somehow, he doubted it highly. Especially when a raindrop fell on him. And another, and another until it was pouring down around him and he was instantly soaked to the skin. 

Through the downpour, he could barely see Iruka as he rose from the bed, grabbed something shiny and ran from the room. Kakashi traced his chakra pattern down the staircase and out into the rain. 

Iruka ran. Where, Kakashi didn't know, but he followed at a safe distance, not realizing the chuunin was too distraught to notice him anyway.


	4. Chapter 4

The rain pounded down around them as they made their way to the training field, one knowing their destination, the other following like a dog to its master.

Iruka summoned a clone as soon as he entered the training field and henged it to look like his old friend, Hayate. He clenched the sword hard in his hand and ran at the clone, tears still spilling down his cheeks, easily mistaken for rain. Hayate-clone sidestepped to avoid the clumsy blow and brought up his own sword, making for the unbalanced chuunin. Iruka managed to get his sword up just in time before it cut him, a second later and it would have gone through his shoulder. 

The growl Iruka emitted unnerved the jounin as he watched the two fight, conscious of how close the blade was to slicing the chuunin open. He wanted to jump in and help, defeat the enemy, just as his training commanded, but he held his ground, knowing the chuunin didn't want to see him, and if he did, Kakashi would have blown his chances of getting that damn hair tie. 

He could see Iruka's hair escaping from the tie as he moved, being flattened instantly to his head by the rain.

_He could feel Mizuki's hands roaming over him while he pretended to sleep, feigning ignorance to what the silver-haired man was doing behind him. He tried to move but the ropes around his arms were still there, still forcing his limbs apart and his hands flat against the headboard._

_"Iru-chan, I know you're awake, why do you always pretend to be asleep when you know it hurts me so?"_

_He whimpered as a slicked finger slid up his crack, pressing into his stretched entrance._

The swords met again in a fierce crash as the metal blades grappled for purchase, each trying to overcome the other. The rain was coming down harder and off in the distance was the rumble of thunder and a few seconds behind it, a fork of bright lightning came down through the clouds, illuminating the battle of wills.

_"Come on Iru-chan, he won't hurt you. Here, I'll even take off the blindfold if you behave."_

_Something wider than the fingers which had previously been inside him breached him, sinking in all the way until he felt the familiar feel of hairy balls against his arse. The blindfold was whipped away and he blinked away the light spots in his vision, before his eyes settled on the man inside him. Mizuki's dad grinned twistedly at him and began to thrust._

**

The lightning flashed through the sky closer to Kakashi than he was comfortable with. The chuunin he was watching seemed unperturbed by the fancy display of electricity and slashed through the Hayate-clone he was fighting. The hands came up in the familiar seal and another clone appeared, this one henged to look like a silver haired man in a chuunin uniform, his would-be-handsome face twisted by an evil smirk. Iruka stiffened slightly in front of his summon before he grabbed the sword resting against his leg and drove it forwards toward the clone.

**

"Ugh! What possessed me to ever go chasing crazy chuunin around?"

Mr Ukki stayed silent, a lesson which the nin-dog seated beside him hadn't yet learned.

Pakkun snorted a laugh as he listened to his master's ramblings, wondering if he would ever learn anything of the way humans' minds worked.

"It's not funny Pakkun! He might be willing to get hypothermia out there, but I'm certainly not!" He reached over and stroked Mr Ukki's droopy leaves before pouring the contents of the watering can into the pot. "Stupid chuunin, no wonder he's crazy!"


	5. Chapter 5

A week chasing the chuunin had been annoying, two weeks had been close to hell and he was contemplating killing the chocolate-eyed man. Technically, it wouldn't go against Gai's rules; if the man was dead, he wouldn't see the hair tie thief. Unfortunately, he'd more than likely be killed by Tsunade in return. Hence, Monday morning found Kakashi standing on said chuunin's doorstep. He raised a hand to the unpainted dark wood door and knocked.

He knocked again.

When no one came to the door, he forced it open with a spike of chakra and stepped into the small porch, closing the door wish a click behind him. He pushed aside the curtain door and walked silently through the black and green themed living room to the partitioned kitchen.

The kitchen was white and blue with the same stained dark wooden floor as the porch, but no chuunin. Backtracking, he made his way to the other side of the living room, sidestepping around a low wooden table with a pile of papers on it. His eyes swept over the warped symbols of a child's writing and pushed open another dark wood door, entering the room he had been looking into for two weeks.

He took a step forward and an all too familiar scent struck him. The door to his left was ajar, a preview of the darkened white and red themed room just visible through the crack. A few steps took him to the door and he quickly found the switch in the windowless room.

Flash, flash, and the light came on, the predominantly white room came into view. His eyes were drawn to the empty shower. A streaked, bloody hand print marred the clean glass.


	6. Chapter 6

He was back, unharmed, clean and showing no sign of having been to the hospital. There had been no bandages in the bathroom, used or new, no blood anywhere else in the house, no blood soaked uniform in the laundry basket. Yet again, he had failed to steal the chuunin's hair tie, yet again the teacher had surprised him. Blackmail was going to be hard to come by it seemed. He would need another plan. Perhaps he could teleport behind Iruka, steal the tie and teleport back without being seen.

"Iruka-sensei!! Ramen, please?"

Perhaps not. He watched the chuunin walk away with the orange-clad boy.

**

Tuesday morning found Kakashi in Iruka's apartment again, rifling through the other man's belongings, searching through his cupboards, Pakkun at his feet.

"Why are you going through so much bother, just to get a chuunin's hair tie?"

Kakashi glared. "I refuse to believe that a chuunin could outsmart me. He's a teacher, a low level chuunin who only just graduated from the academy. Either I am grossly underestimating him and he has some great powers which he keeps hidden, or I don't deserve to be a jounin." He pulled open the wardrobe at the far end of the room and removed a shoe box from the bottom of it. He tried to lift the lid but found it sealed with the other man's chakra. Sighing, he placed it back in the cupboard.

"Kakashi, under his pillow."

He stared down at the pug by his feet. So far, he had avoided the sanctuary that was another man's bed in favour of searching elsewhere. Curiosity overcame him and he lifted the corner of the pillow. There was nothing there. He reached out and picked up the pillow. It was heavier than he had expected and there was nothing below it. Something shifted inside the pillowcase as he moved it. With a metallic clunk, he turned it upside down. 

A photo of a young man with silver hair fell onto the bed, followed by a stained knife and a bloodstained cloth. He picked up the photo and turned it over.

'Congrats Iru-chan. Well done on making chuunin. I'll be back from my mission on Friday. Love you, Mizuki.'

He turned the picture over again. There was a rip in the top, suggesting someone had tried to tear the picture, but not had the heart to do so. The young man looked to be in his late teens, his shoulder-length silver hair carefully brushed and his hitae-ate worn as a bandanna. The name Mizuki was familiar, but he couldn't place it.

Putting down the photograph, he picked up the knife. It was ornamental, a knife not meant to be used for combat, yet the blade was as sharp as any kunai he owned and the edges were stained with old blood. There were fingerprints on the ornately carved handle, depicted in the same bloody fingerprints as had been on the glass. There was a tag around the top, tied on by golden thread, the note written in black on silver.

'A present, I'll be waiting for you tonight, do try to make sure you're alone.'

It was unsigned.

The bloodstained cloth. The image of his father laying on the ground, the knife through his gut once again assaulted him as he looked at the soiled material. He dismissed it instantly.

**

Iruka forced as smile onto his face as Naruto came leaping up to him, grinning from ear to ear and asking for Ramen. He knew he couldn't begrudge the boy anything, especially not a bowl of Ramen from time to time.. Or much more often so long as the boy wasn't on a mission.

"Iruka-sensei?" He asked as they sat down at Ichiraku and ordered, miso ramen for Naruto and pork ramen for Iruka. "Have you seen Kakashi-sensei at all? Usually he's late to meet us, but recently he hasn't turned up at all, or he just appears and tells us to train ourselves and then vanishes again."

Iruka looked up. "No, I can't say I have. Mind you, I don't know Kakashi-sensei well, all I really know about him is that he's always late to hand in mission reports. Perhaps he's been doing missions and forgetting to tell you where he's going." He shrugged, giving the boy the best answer he could think of.

Naruto thought it over and nodded. It made sense, even though Kakashi-sensei had always told them if he was going on missions, up until now that was.


	7. Chapter 7

The smile vanished as soon as he turned the key in the lock. He took off the jacket and threw it onto the back of the sofa in the corner of the room as he passed. He put the kettle on to boil in the kitchen and walked into his bedroom, pulling the perfectly preserved shoe box out of the bottom of the cupboard. He placed it on the bed and walked back out again, returning a minute later with a freshly made cup of tea. With a spike of chakra he locked the door and sat down, cross legged on the bed, pulling off his shirt as he did so. It too was deposited on the floor, along with the wrappings around his legs, his headband and hair tie. He pulled the lid off the box. In the dim lighting of the night, he couldn't see the contents clearly, but he knew what he was looking for. His hand closed around the rectangular box, and he pulled it out, drawing one of the long, cylindrical objects from it.

**

From his vantage point in the tree, Kakashi couldn't see clearly what the chuunin was doing in his bedroom, not could he see the contents of the box. He did see the flash of fire and the ignited end of a cigarette. He crept closer, trying to angle himself so the moon didn't glance off the window, but let him see through it.

**

He drew a deep breath from the object in his mouth, holding the smoke in his lungs for as long as he could without asphyxiating himself, before letting it out in a rush as he gasped for oxygen. He reached into the pillowcase behind him and let his hand close around the comforting cold of the object he knew would always be there to help him. He drew it out. 

It was beautiful, cold, hard and supportive. Always there for him, always a help, never complaining no matter how much it was abused. The cold steel a reminder of his past, his present and his future, a reminder of the hurt he had received at the end of this knife. Ironic, how the knife which had hurt him, now brought him the most comfort.

He took another drag on the joint and ran a finger down the edge of the blade. It needed cleaning, but now that wasn't his priority. He placed the tip against the inside of his arm and drew it slowly across the tan skin. As the blood welled up, some of the tension inside him released. He felt lighter, free, unburdened. He was in control this time. It came down again, slightly below the first cut, slicing through an already present scar, another weight lifted from his shoulders. He lay back against the pillow, the knife in one hand, held downwards by the hilt, the sharp point resting on his stomach, just above his belly button. He pressed down, hard. A flash of pain assaulted him, quickly followed by numbing relief and a feeling of twisted pleasure, addictive and deadly. A gasp escaped him as he drew it swiftly across the quivering toned muscles, the pressure lessening as the pain became more pronounced. The sudden desire to hurt himself overcame everything else, all pain erased, all thoughts dulled as the blade slashed into his arm again and again, shallow cuts, short, yet intense. The red perfect, his life in his hands, his very existence at the mercy of this beautiful weapon. Beautiful, yet deadly. He could do it. He could do it now, end everything, the pain, the hurt, the mental facade. He had the power to do it, but not the courage.

The knife clattered to the floor as he dropped it, stubbing out the sweet drug on the inside of his elbow and falling asleep, still in his shinobi pants, blood trickling sluggishly from his arms, faster from his stomach.


	8. Chapter 8

Crack.

His neck was stiff. His arms were stiff. His legs were stiff, hell even his arse was stiff. Once again, Hatake Kakashi found himself waking up in the tree outside Iruka's apartment. He decided he may as well just take up residence there the amount of time he spent in it. 

Iruka was gone, Kakashi could feel his chakra moving down the road toward the academy. A few hand-signs and he was gone, appearing in the chuunin's bedroom. A cursory check to see that there really was no one in the house, and he went to pick up the box he had seen the man put on the end of his bed. It was gone. Back in the bottom of the wardrobe, closed and sealed. Kakashi let out a growl of annoyance. The blue sheets had been changed, new green ones had replaced them and the knife lay half under the bed. Iruka must have kicked it by accident when he was changing the bed clothes. He picked it up and ran a finger along the edge. 

Blood. Recent, still wet, clinging to his finger. He pushed the blade back under the bed and wiped his finger on the dark shinobi pants, figuring he would have to wash them later anyway after sleeping in them up a tree. He found the sheets in the laundry basket in the bathroom, soaked in blood in places, and a blood stained towel on the tiled floor. Again the image of his father's blood soaked corpse came to mind, and yet again he dismissed it. He may not know much about the chuunin, but he was always so happy, bright and smiling. Surely he couldn't be... Look underneath the underneath. That's what he'd always taught his students, perhaps he should take a little of his own advice. He dismissed the idea. He'd probably just hurt himself training was all.

**

He'd vowed never to come back here again, never to relive the horrors that had scarred his childhood whilst here, never to visit this place of pain. Yet here he was, just as he was every year, on the exact same date, the date it had all begun. At first he hadn't realized what was happening, hadn't realized it was abuse, all he knew was that he was getting attention from someone popular who he had a crush on. That was all that had mattered. Never had he thought something so innocent as a game of tag would turn into something so violent as the abuse that had followed for years. The years which had scarred him mentally, and indirectly physically. They never left a mark on him, never left anything incriminating, always healed the friction burns around his wrists and ankles, never tore him, never harmed him, never left any evidence. 

"I'm here, Mizuki. Just as I always am."

The still surface of the lake rippled, seemingly in response to Iruka's admission. The trees waved to his left, taunting reminders of all that had happened between their sturdy trunks. He rubbed around his wrist, a nervous habit picked up after years of mental torture, a habit which enabled him to control his actions with a scratch against a cut there, re-opening wounds.

_"Iru-chan, come on, it'll be fun. Just one game, please?"_

_Iruka looked up at his friend, wanting to believe him, just this once, wanting to believe that a game was all he wanted. The teen's mind begged him for one last chance, one chance to set things right between them. He nodded and took off into the trees, Mizuki following close behind him. He knew he wouldn't get very far, he couldn't possibly, Mizuki was already a chuunin, and he was still a genin, the only one left on his team, the only one to have failed the exam several times over._

_He saw the flash of silver behind him and turned, darting through a shortcut he knew, a tunnel of overhanging branches and ivy, the entrance hidden by a dense curtain of ivy, camouflaged that none would realize its significance unless they knew what lay behind it. He collided with the silver haired boy, falling backwards onto his arse._

_"That's cheating! You're not allowed to teleport!" He yelled up at the older boy._

_"I didn't."_

_He turned around to see Mizuki standing in the darkened entrance to the natural tunnel, dropping the curtain back behind him. His senses went wild, some unknown force telling him to run, to get away from these two men, Mizuki, and his dad._

_Turning to the side he made a run for the wall, trying to escape through a gap in the ivy where the branches held it apart to make an Iruka-sized hole in the otherwise faultless tunnel. Mizuki's dad grabbed him around the stomach as he went, tossing him back down onto the ground and tying his hands together behind his back, his feet together and placing a stick between his legs to hold them apart._

_"Don't think you're going anywhere, lad. Mizuki's told me about you, about how he fucks you and how much you enjoy it, how much you beg him for it." He leered nastily down at the small teen, snapping the tie holding the long hair back and running his hand through the curtain of silky brown strands._

_"NO! Please, don-"_

_Mizuki's cock was shoved down his throat, a kunai against his jugular._

_"Bite it, and you die."_

_Iruka nodded, trying to jerk away from the blade making quick work of his trousers._

_"Slut, moan for me." The older of the silver-haired men hissed in his ear, running a lubricated finger up and down the teen's crack, searching for the tight entrance. "You deserve this, filthy fag. People like you shouldn't be allowed to become ninja, you'll bring down our reputation, filth like you. You're nothing, boy, nothing. You're weak, always were, always will be. Why do you think all your graduation class are chuunin apart from you? Hm?"_

_The fingers were removed and pain exploded behind his closed eyelids. A tear escaped his eye as he screamed, the kunai digging into his vein._

He sighed, giving the wood one last cursory glance before turning his back on the scene, fixing the fake smile back on his face once more.


	9. Chapter 9

The door swung shut behind him, the brown paper bag in his arms dropped on the table as he stepped into the dark room beyond the well used porch. He slid his shoes off and threw them over to the far side of the room, listening to the thud as they hit the wall, sliding quickly downwards to land one on top of the other on the floor. He'd been to see Mizuki, just as he did on this day every year; visit the place where it began, visit the place where it ended. His thoughts were fragmented and scared, he knew Mizuki couldn't harm him any more, but the old fear was still there, forced to the forefront of his mind by his encounter with his first and last lover. 

Mizuki's dad had been there.

The man who bought more horror to his mind as a child, the man who single-handedly destroyed his soul, broken him, shattered his mind till he could no longer think anything beyond fear. 

He reached for the brown bag, pulling out the frozen box inside. Ice-cream, his one comfort food. He pulled off the shinobi-issue shirt and threw it over with his shoes, feeling for the lid in the darkness, unwilling to turn on the lights, to see the damage Mizuki had inflicted upon him, even from so far away. The darkness surrounded him entirely, comforting, deadly. His eyes drifted shut, he wanted nothing more to sleep, sleep forever in the dark warmth...

The light clicked on.

Iruka threw the spoon in his hand at the unidentified intruder, hitting him squarely in the face. There was silence as the harmless metal object fell to the ground, the chink as it hit the wooden floor the only sound in the apartment. Iruka stared at Kakashi from his defensive position in the corner of the room. Kakashi stared back at Iruka, slouched against the wall utterly at ease in the other man's living room.

"K-Ka-Kakashi!? Wh-Wha? What do you want?"

Kakashi didn't move from his position in the corner of the small room, still leaning against the kitchen door frame, his eye drifting over the chuunin's frame. The lone orb was drawn instantly to the deep gash across the other man's stomach. He pushed himself off the wall and made his way to the corner where Iruka was crouched. 

The chuunin's eyes widened as the copy-nin neared him, backing away only to discover he was already cornered. The silver-haired man reached towards him, hand closing around his throat. Iruka tried to scream. 

He was a teenager once again, Mizuki bearing down upon him, feeling him, touching him, threatening him with death, pain, humiliation. He wanted to die, wanted to give into the overwhelming feel of fear which overpowered every rational thought in his head. Mizuki turned into his dad, whispering in Iruka's ear, telling him he loved him, telling him he was nothing, no one, a child shunned and pushed aside, unwanted by everyone, a failure.

He fell, Mizuki/Kakashi's hand releasing his throat, falling far away from him. Kakashi and Mizuki were merged together, the chuunin's dad nowhere to be seen.

His eyes snapped open, initial panic fading away as he began to see in the dark. He threw the spoon beside him at the light switch, flicking it on. There was no one there. No Kakashi, no Mizuki, no one. His shirt and shoes were still in the heap by the door and nothing was touched. The ice-cream in his hand was starting to melt.

The light in the bedroom was flicked on as he stepped into the room. He didn't want to sleep in the dark tonight, not when he had just seen the man who instilled his terrible fear of the cold blackness into him. The box in the bottom of the wardrobe was still there, untouched, unstirred. The half-smoked cannabis on his bedside table was gone.


	10. Chapter 10

De-ja-vu. The familiar feeling of dread, the well known room, the always present scent of blood. A child's terror unguarded, tears unchecked, darkness surrounding. He was running, running down a hall which seemed a million miles long. He tripped and fell, his hands wouldn't co-operate and he fell on his dace, inhaling the dust of the old house, un-swept for centuries. The pieces of his mask shattered around him, the painted white porcelain scattering. The door to his right was open, flooded with light which did not reach past the door frame into the darkness which threatened to swallow him whole. He knew the carpet shouldn't be red. A figure lay on the stained carpet, facing away from him. What should be silver was brown, what should be pale was tan, and what should be unmarred was stained red.

Kakashi screamed as he awoke, sitting up, barely avoiding hitting his head on the bedside table as he fought to disentangle himself from the suffocating sheets. The room was dark as he fell out of his bed, forcing himself to his feet. He stumbled into the bathroom, groping for the light as he fought the urge to be sick. The light flickered on, too bright for his eyes as he fell to the floor in front of the cold ceramic of the toilet bowl, heaving as he lost the contents of his stomach into the swirling water.

He got, shakily to his feet, flushing the toilet and staggering over to the sink. He looked terrible. Dark rings surrounded his eyes and his skin was paler than usual, clammy and sticky, hair glued to his face with sweat. He spat into the sink, washing his mouth out with the mouthwash he kept in the cupboard.

Half an hour later, Kakashi stepped out of the bathroom, looking considerably better than when he'd gone in. He ran a hand along the sword laying atop the cabinet in his bedroom, remembering the vivid nightmare haunting him. Iruka. Not his father, Iruka, laying dead on the floor, this very blade thrust through his gut. He felt sick again.

**

The morning light hit Iruka's face as he awoke, his face wet with tears from another night of fitful sleep and haunted dreams. He felt weak, drained and ill, just as he did every morning; dead to the world. He glanced down at his arms laying on top of the dark quilt. He wasn't fit to be a shinobi, let alone a teacher. What would his students' parents say if they knew what their children were being taught by. He forced himself to roll over, crawling out of the low bed, shivering as the cold hit him. Staggering, he made his way into the bathroom, barely able to keep himself upright as he grabbed the wall to get to the targeted room.

There were no windows in the unlit room, the only light coming in through the open door from the un-curtained window in his bedroom. Years of this morning ritual enabled him to make his shaky way to the toilet and fall down to his knees on the cold wooden floor.

He gagged, the acidic feeling in his throat making his eyes water as his body fought against his mind. His stomach heaved but nothing came up, nothing ever did these days. Iruka squeezed his eyes shut, gasping for breath. The pain in his stomach intensified as he fought the urge to scream. He gagged again, blood spilling from his mouth. He could feel the healing wound on his stomach reopen, the searing pain rushing through his body, blocking out the acidic feeling in his throat. He could taste blood, the metallic coppery scent making him gag, fighting the urge to throw up.

**

"Yo."

"Kakashi-sensei! You're late!" Naruto yelled up at his tardy sensei, shaking his fist and wondering what elaborate excuse the jounin would come up with today.

"How come you haven't been here for two weeks?" Sakura asked, leaning against the bridge railing as their sensei jumped down onto the wooden boarding.

"Well, a big green monster told me to go find a dolphin and steal his hair tie, and I couldn't say no to the monster because it would have eaten me, and then I couldn't catch the dolphin, they're very slippery you-"

"LIAR!!"

Kakashi glared his one-eyed glare at his students. For once, he was telling the truth, and yet they still didn't believe him.

**

Iruka lay his forehead against the cold ceramic bowl, panting slightly as he fought to regain his breath. He really didn't feel like teaching this morning. He ran a finger across the deep wound and wondered how deep it would have to be before he died. He moaned in anguish as he thought of Izumo's reaction if he died. He didn't want to upset the other chuunin, no matter how jealous he was of the other's relationship with Kotetsu. He wished sometimes, he could have someone like that, someone who cared for him and would look after him. He couldn't possibly have that sort of relationship with anyone though, not with his body in the state it was. He sighed and stood up. He would have to face the ankle-biters that were his class at some point.. It may as well be now.


	11. Chapter 11

"Konohamaru! Sit!" He was only a minute late, yet the little hellions were already waging war upon both the classroom and each other. His stomach clenched as he shouted and he resisted the urge to grab it. The blood hadn't soaked through his uniform. Yet.

He walked slowly to the desk, still aware of the lingering taste of blood in his mouth. He wanted to be sick again, but pushed down the feeling, concentrating on beginning his lesson.

He got halfway through the lecture on chakra supplies and control before the Naruto-wannabe made his first break for freedom.

Ignoring the, now bearable, pain in his stomach, he grabbed the back of Konohamaru's scarf as he made his way towards the door, making a valiant attempt at stealth. Unfortunately for him, Iruka was far quicker than the pre-genin. Konohamaru choked and fell back onto his arse, landing at his teacher's feet. Iruka knelt next to the boy.

"I'm really not in a mood for you, Konohamaru. I didn't sleep very much last night, and I don't feel very well. Sit down and don't try anything." He waited until the boy had nodded in affirmation before he stood and returned to his lecture, ignoring the cowering child.

**

Somehow, he managed to make it to lunchtime without bleeding all over the place, without having to throw things at his class, and amazingly, without having to catch Konohamaru a second time. He made his way into the staff room. He pulled out a can of drink he had brought with him and took a sip, willing it to stay down.

It did.

He had drunk half the can when Genma came in and flopped next to him, his arm around the chuunin's neck.

"So, how's my little dolphin today?" He placed a hand on Iruka's knee and rubbed it up and down his leg. He ignore Iruka's death glare and stole the can off him, taking a swig before pulling a face at the younger man.

"Urgh! How can you drink that shit?"

"I don't like tea or coffee, and I need the caffeine if I'm to deal with the 'ankle biters' all day." From somewhere across the room came a snort at the mention of said ankle biters. It was a name the pair had dubbed the hellions whilst stuck in the mission's office trying to make headway through the waist-height stacks of unsorted reports.

Genma grinned sadistically. "Take a few days off and get Ibiki to stand in for you."

Iruka glared at the other man. "I don't want them to be mentally scarred, I just want them to behave." He drained the can and threw it at the wall, both men watching as it bounced off back into the waste basket. "Perhaps I should have a day or two off."

Genma rubbed further up Iruka's leg. "Well, when you get your days off, I'll take a break from missions and you and me could spend some quality-time togeth-"

Iruka yelped in surprised pain as Genma's wandering hand reached his stomach, rubbing in slow circles over the bandaged flesh.

"Sorry, hon. You alright?"

Iruka avoided his friend's concerned expression and ducked out of his arms, heading for the door. "I'm fine Gen, just walked into the kitchen counter this morning. I need to get some food. I overslept this morning and haven't had any breakfast yet.

Genma stared at the chuunin for a moment before following him to the door. "I'll come with you, I was on a mission all night and I only got back an hour ago."

He forced a smile onto his face and led the jounin out of the door.

**

"You need to eat something other than ramen, Ru. It's not good for you."

Iruka glared at the senbon-sucking jounin as he was led into a sushi restaurant, a few minutes walk away from the academy. He liked ramen. It was easy to eat and easy to remove again.

"'Mon Ru, It's not that bad. You had ramen yesterday, you'll probably have ramen for dinner and no doubt you'll have it tomorrow as well." He ordered a plate of cucumber rolls from the scantily clad waitress who appeared at their table.

Iruka thought of his cupboards at home filled with packets of instant ramen. He ordered onigiri and decided he was going to have soup tonight.

**

He wondered how long it took the human body to digest food. I was four hours since he had eaten at one, and he felt sick, fat. He didn't want to be fat. Not like him. He ran a finger along the scars on his ankle. Scars made by a man long dead, yet living through his son. Killed on a mission they had said, died a hero's death and had his name carved upon the stone, no questions asked.


	12. Chapter 12

Blood, everywhere. If this was what a C-rank mission entailed, he didn't think he'd be doing anything higher for a while, possibly not ever. He looked down at the kunai in his hand, a slight red tinge marring it where he had jabbed in into an enemy in a ditch attempt to get away from the man's roving hands. He really wished people wouldn't treat him like a girl. Saia was dead, her body lost somewhere in the piled inferno of corpses. Kyo was nowhere to be seen, and Iruka hoped dearly the boy whom he had come to see as a brother was not lost also. The forest was as silent as it had been when they had arrived, the wildlife scared away by the fight.

"Hey, Iruka-chan. What's say you and me go behind that bush over there and you put that pretty mouth of yours to use, ne?" 

The familiar hand of his sensei landed on his shoulder. He didn't look up, didn't dare, knowing he would see the too well known glint of sadism in the older man's eyes. He stood perfectly still, only moving when he was steered across the clearing behind the bush formerly mentioned.

On his knees in the mud, he could feel the after effects of the battle going through him. His body was starting to shake and the blood covering him was making him feel sick. He was going to be sick, he was going to be-. He gagged as the hard length was shoved into his mouth, hitting the back of his throat as the hand in his hair tightened. His mouth wasn't supposed to stretch as far as it was. He wanted to get away, wanted to escape from all this. He tried to cry out in protest, but the cock in his mouth prevented him from doing so.

Declarations of love were whispered into the semi-darkness as the hand tightened further and the length thrust into his mouth continually, fast, hard and uncomfortable. He struggled, pushed his hands against the man's legs to get away, get away from the sick feeling which was intensifying by the moment.

The hand in his hair loosened and fell out, the length in his mouth fell away, and blood covered his head, running down into his eyes, momentarily blinding him. He gasped and lent to the side just in time to throw up what little he had eaten that day.

"Ruka? You alright?"

He looked up and saw the black-haired gennin swim before his eyes, his hand reaching out to the other gennin, unsure if it would be alright to touch him or not.

"'m fine, Kyo. Don't worry."

Darkness covered his vision just as blood covered him once more.


	13. Chapter 13

"Kakashi, Iruka, I want you both to go to Wave and escort a man there and his child to the hidden village of rock. Iruka, I'm sending you because you're good with children, Kakashi for obvious reasons." The Godaime handed Kakashi a scroll which the silver-haired nin took. He unfurled it and read it quickly.

"We're to leave at noon. Meet at the gates at half eleven." He poofed out of existence, leaving Iruka scowling at his superior.

**

Half past eleven came and went and left Iruka standing by the gates, ready to scream at a certain silver haired jounin, if indeed, he ever showed up. He had been there quarter of an hour already, mentally going over all the things which could possibly go wrong with this mission. His bag was full of energy tablets and bars and things he could keep down. He hadn't been on a mission for years, not since he had developed his problem. It wasn't a dangerous mission though, nowhere near dangerous enough to land him in hospital... Was it?

He spun around at the sudden poof and came face to face with the tardy ex-ANBU.

"Half eleven! Half eleven you said! Can you not even summon the dignity to turn up on time to a mission?!"

Kakashi stared at the chuunin. He shrugged and walked past the smaller man, heading out of the village, leaving Iruka glaring after him.

Iruka inwardly fumed. This mission was going to be completely intolerable if the stupid man was going to ignore him the entire time. Stupid jounins with their stupid superiority complexes. Ignoring the fact he didn't want to be on this mission anyway, he dutifully followed the team leader out of the village and down the dusty path.

**

He had lost all sense of time when they finally arrived at Wave. He felt weak, his legs were going to buckle under him and the scarring wound on his stomach stung every time he moved. He outwardly showed none of this though, instead bowing with a hidden wince to their client, Hayashi Yoshida and his son, Inoue.

Yoshida was tall with chin length black hair and deep black eyes. He wore a simple green t-shirt and a black pair of pants with many pockets which jingled as he moved. Inoue looked to be about 10, his short brown hair spiked up all over the place and his green eyes were wary. He too, wore a t-shirt, but his was black and his pants were cropped, coming only to his mid calf.

"We'll set out now, if no one minds, and camp when the sun sets. We should be able to make it to Rock in a couple of weeks." Kakashi glanced at the man who would have been as tall as him, had it not been for his gravity-defying hair. He accepted the nod and turned around, walking back across the massive bridge.

Iruka glanced back as they were halfway across it, not knowing what made him, but knowing that he should. What caught his eye made him stop and stare at the pillar construction over the entrance to the village. 'The Great Naruto Bridge'.

"Kakashi?"

Kakashi stopped in mid step and turned slowly towards the chuunin's questioning voice. "Hmm?"

"Is this anything to do with Naruto?" He pointed to the pillar with the name engraved on it.

Kakashi gave a short nod but said nothing, turning around again and continuing to walk to the main land. 

Iruka growled deep in his chest, startling the boy who stood next to him. "Just die, Kakashi, just drop-fucking-dead and then I won't have to deal with your stupid better-than-thou attitude." He muttered darkly under his breath, pushing down the urge to swear in several different languages. He clenched his hands into fists and dug his nails into the palms of his hands. The urge died slightly and he continued after the silver-haired arse-hole.

**

"All right, we'll stop here for tonight." 

Iruka almost sighed in relief. Stop at sunset he had said. It had to be at least midnight by now, if not later. He really could not be bothered to put up a tent. Instead, he swung himself up onto a relatively low branch and lay down, head on his pack and closed his eyes.

"Aren't you going to put up a tent, Iruka-san?" Yoshida asked, concerned for the young man's health. After all, it couldn't be good for him to sleep in a tree with no protection from the elements.

"No." Came the sharp reply and Kakashi sighed.

"Iruka-sensei, if you get ill, I'm not going to carry you home you know. I'll just leave you there to die."

"Fine." Iruka sat up and glared at his superior. "They you can feed Naruto, heaven knows, he'd just live off Ramen if I didn't force vegetables down him every few days." He lay down again and turned over, ignoring Kakashi as he set about making a fire.

Long after the client and his son were asleep, Kakashi was sitting, staring into the fire, not stirring, not making a sound, just listening to the night. It was far from silent. Owls hooted in nearby trees as they swooped around hunting, small night mammals scurried underfoot, and every so often, he would catch a glimpse of a mouse running across the edge of their camp. He leaned back against the tree behind him.

Shink.

He was immediately on guard, hand going for a kunai before he realized the sound had come from the chuunin in the tree, the sound perfectly audible owing to the lack of anything but air between them. The fire crackled and he almost missed the sharp intake of breath from the smaller man, but the scent of blood which hit him was undeniable. It clicked. He had been ignoring the one thing he continually told his team to do. Look underneath the underneath. He had failed, miserably. He heard the knife slice through the tan skin several more times before the repeated shink told him it was back in it's scabbard. He raised his eyes from the fire, blinking the dots from his vision before turning to the chuunin. He was perfectly still.

"You should really bandage them you know."

Iruka screamed and almost fell off the branch as Kakashi appeared before him. He tried to pull down his sleeve, but the older man grabbed his uncut arm and yanked it away. 

Kakashi sat down before the younger man and pulled a roll of gauze from his pocket before unwrapping it and reaching for the chocolate-eyed man.

Iruka yanked his arm away as Kakashi's fingers grazed a deep cut on his wrist. "Don't touch me," he hissed out, amazed his scream hadn't awoken the two still asleep in their tent.

Kakashi grabbed the man's legs and forced them straight, sitting on them and pushed his stomach down.

Iruka let out a strangled yelp which he tried to silence by biting his lip. He tasted blood and felt the hand on his stomach lift, fingers going to the hem of his shirt. He grabbed the man's arm with both hands, ignoring how he was bleeding everywhere. "Don't you fucking dare, Kakashi."

Kakashi stared down at the young man holding his arm with such a strong grip, despite how slippery his hands were with his own blood. He jabbed the pressure points on the man's arms and his grip went lax. He bandaged up the deep gashes before turning his attention back to the dark shirt. Iruka began to struggle under him, trying to get his arms to work, presumably to push the copy-nin off him. He gagged the man with a stray bandage and pushed his shirt up.

Iruka turned his head to the side, closing his eyes and trying to ignore the hiss from Kakashi as he found the deep wound. His life was over. He had tried to be silent, he really had, but the need had overcome him. He had forgotten Kakashi had the nose of a dog. He didn't want to be sent to the hospital. He didn't want to explain to Tsunade. He didn't want to drag up all the squashed memories of Mizuki. A tear escaped his eye, sliding down his temple and disappearing into his hair. He didn't want anyone to know. Another tear followed, and the dam burst.


	14. Chapter 14

Kakashi stopped abruptly as he heard the chuunin beneath him hiccup out a sob. He didn't think he'd hurt him that badly. Had he? He reached up and pulled the makeshift gag from the other man's mouth. "Iruka?" He lent over the smaller man, taking the weight off his legs. As soon as he was balanced with his weight on his hands, Iruka pulled his legs from under him and curled up as best he could, his arms still not working to his command. He watched as the chocolate eyed man buried his face in his knees, shoulders shaking with the muffled sobs which reached his ears.

For the first time in years, Kakashi felt very awkward. He'd never seen the man cry before, he'd never seen anyone cry on missions for years. Sure, he'd seen them with tears streaking down their faces as they rocked back and forth asking for someone long dead, but he'd never seen anyone in the state Iruka was in now. He reached out a hand to place it on the chuunin's shoulder, hoping to bring him some comfort, but before he had even reached a few inches, Iruka's head snapped up and he met such a hate-filled glare, he dropped it again.

"Fuck off." He muttered as he dropped his head back to his knees, not wanting to see the copy-nin's pity filled gaze. He didn't want the pity, didn't want comfort, not from a man rumored to have no emotions, not from a seasoned killer. "Just leave me alone. What do you care anyway?" What little chakra he had left, he tried to channel into his arms to heal them where Kakashi had struck him, but he had used up so much healing his stomach he had none left to heal his arms. He could feel them, could feel the blood running down one, could feel the stickiness of blood on both palms, but he could not move them. If only-

Kakashi signed as the chuunin passed out. He lay the man out flat on the branch and pushed the shirt up to his neck, getting a good look at the deep gash. He was instantly reminded of his father's suicide, the short sword through his gut. The cut was deep and ran from his hip bone to the bottom edge of his rib cage, across his stomach. It was obviously an old wound, scabbed over and beginning to scar at the edges. In the pale moonlight, he could make out countless other scars, stark white against the tan skin. He pulled another bandage out of his pocket and set about wrapping the other man up.

**

Iruka awoke to the sound of Kakashi moving around the camp, Yoshida and Inoue talking with the silver-haired nin. The fire was crackling and he could smell something cooking. Food. The thought turned his stomach. He rolled over quickly, jumping down from his branch and running a short way into the forest. Blood. More blood. Surely this wasn't a good sign.

As Iruka stumbled back into the camp, pale and smelling of blood, Kakashi handed him a cup of tea. Iruka shook his head and walked over to the branch he had been sleeping on, pulling down his pack and dragging it back to the fire. He was so cold. He shifted closer to the flames as he began to shiver.

"You shouldn't drink that, Iruka. It's very bad for you."

Iruka glared. He opened it and sipped down a tiny bit, willing it to stay down. He took another sip, and settled back against his pack to finish his breakfast. He tried to block out the scent of the cooking meat, which he now identified as rabbits.

Kakashi pulled the rabbits off the fire and offered one each to Yoshida and Inoue before taking one himself, and offering the other to Iruka who declined. "You need to eat something." He reasoned with the young man. "There's nothing but caffeine in whatever that is your drinking. No calories." He almost missed Iruka's soft "that's the point."

He frowned at the rabbit in his hand and then back at the visibly shivering chuunin.

"'Sides, I'm never hungry in the mornings.

**

That night found Iruka on another tree branch, curled up into a little ball, shivering under the thin blanket. It was spring, not winter, the blanket should be suffice. The other three were sitting around a campfire questioning Kakashi on what it was like to be a ninja. It was an unnatural clearing, judging by the way the trees were blackened on the inside of the clear circle. The ground was scorched and there was a lingering scent of smoke in the air which didn't seem to want to leave him.

"Kakashi-san? Why does it smell of smoke here?"

"Because you're sitting next to a fire, silly." Came the instant response from the boy's father.

"No, the clearing smells of smoke, like there was a battle here with lots of fire."

"It probably means there was a battle here of some sort, ninja by the smell of the smoke. Chakra induced fire leaved a subtly different scent to the smoke. We burn our dead, to prevent enemies getting any secrets from our bodies. It's probably that which gave it the scent. Iruka?"

He looked around at the young man who had just at that moment, leapt off the branch and was making his way across the clearing, towards a thorny looking bush. They watched as he pushed the bush to the side. There, underneath the bush, was a caved in pile of stones, big enough that it might once had had a body under them.


	15. Chapter 15

"Iruka?"

He could hear the unvoiced question in the man's voice. He didn't want to tell him, but somehow, he couldn't bring himself not to.

"He was my sensei, my best friend's dad, Kyo buried him there after the battle here. We were still genin then, me Kyo and Saia. Saia had died early on in the fight, her throat cut by an enemy nin. Ex-nin. They were all deserters of their villages, their headbands sliced through and their hearts set on destroying us. There were only a few, though their blood seemed to be everywhere. When it finally ended, I was alone, somehow unharmed, with our sensei. I knew Saia was dead, but I didn't know what had become of Kyo. I saw Saia being chucked onto the pile of burning nins, I don't know who did it, but I didn't want her to go that way. Then he appeared behind me. He tried to-" His voice faltered as he found he could not say what had happened. Saying it made it real, saying it aloud made it something he had to face, something he couldn't run away from. "Kyo found us, me on my knees in front of sensei. He was so distracted, Kyo cut off his head. I remember blood, more blood all over me and then nothing. When I came to, there was a pile of stones where sensei had fallen. Kyo was beside me, he was covered in blood from his neck to his legs. He was stone cold. I burned him, took him to where Saia was burned. He was in love with her. I burned him there as well." He paused.

Kakashi tilted his head slightly, trying to read the chuunin's guarded, yet defeated expression. After a minute, he spoke again, the same cold, empty tone he had used before.

"They said he died a hero's death. No one was there to witness it, except me. I wasn't going to say how he died though. I wasn't going to say what he had done to me. They put his name on the monument, no questions asked. He didn't deserve to be put up there."

Kakashi reached out a hand and put it on Iruka's shoulder, hoping to comfort the younger man. For the first time in as long as he could remember, he wanted to help someone else, not save them from bandits, or protect them from enemy nins, he wanted to help him get better, help him face his fears. He wondered momentarily, if this was what falling in love was about.

They sat for a while in silence, Kakashi's hand still on Iruka's shoulder, Iruka still staring ahead into the darkness around them, their clients forgotten, asleep in their tent. Could he trust this man to keep his secret? Could he trust him to not tell a soul, to take away some of his pain? He wanted to tell someone, anyone, anything to relieve himself of this secret he so desperately clung to. He glanced sideways at the silver haired nin, meeting the guarded blue eye. Yes, he could.


	16. Chapter 16

"I met Mizuki when we were at the academy together. We got on well together and pretty soon he was my best friend, especially after I had no parents. I turned to him for everything. He was older than me by about a year, but we still did everything together. He was my first crush, and my first friend. When I told him I had feelings for him, he laughed it off, saying it was just a phase, that I would get over it, move on. 

A year before I graduated, Mizuki invited me over to stay at his place for a while. I was feeling lonely because Mizuki's team had been on a mission the week before. I stayed there for a few days before Mizuki started acting weird. He kissed me. He told me he loved me, but then he tied me up. At first I thought it was a game, but-. He started undressing me, cutting my clothes off with a kunai. I yelled at him to stop but he gagged me. Then he started kissing me. I didn't know what to make of it to begin with, but I took it as a sign he liked me back, and it made me happy. I began to stay there more often, sometimes spending more nights of the week at Mizuki's than at my own apartment. 

He began to get more and more aggressive as the months went on, but I was still in love with him, and even though he never told me he loved me, I always assumed he did. About half a year before I graduated, he started fucking me. He always stretched me first, gentle and like a lover, but as he fucked me, he whispered in my ear that I was nothing to him, just a slut, that he never liked me. Those words meant nothing to me then, not when I was overcome with passion and lust. Even as an 11 year-old, I still felt there was nothing wrong with what we were doing.

A month before I was to graduate, he left me, tied to his bed and shivering, stretched and prepared. I called out to him, but he never came. Instead, his father appeared. Mizuki came every time after that, never to touch me, but to whisper in my ear, hatred and abuse. I started to realize what he was saying, and somewhere deep inside I started to cry.

After I graduated, it only got worse. Mizuki's dad was my sensei. He never touched me on missions, but he'd lie by my side when the other's were asleep and whisper in my ear how much he hated me, how I would never amount to anything, how pathetic I was. They would wait at places they knew I frequented, and stay there until I appeared, chasing me when we were alone. There were never any marks I could show to prove what they were doing to me, never anything to back up my story. The only marks I have from them are the scars around my wrists and ankles which developed over time, from years of rough rope chafing at my skin.

Several times I tried to commit suicide. The Hokage never thought anything of it. He told me to train harder with my team, to stop shutting myself away and be more sociable. He once asked me what my parents would think of me."

He pulled his knees up to his chest, burying his face momentarily, wiping away the tears which had made their way down his face.

"I wanted my own team. I made that my aim. To become a jounin, and to have my own team, to be a good sensei and prove to sensei and Mizuki that I could amount to something. Sensei was never the skinniest of people. I didn't want to be like him. Mizuki once told me that Ramen would make me fat if I ate too much of it. I believed him. It was cheap, though, easy and quick to cook, and a comfort food for me. Mum always bought me ramen when I was feeling down. The message took a while to sink into my body, but every day, I began to feel more and more ill after I had eaten, until I started making myself sick after every meal. 

Even after sensei had died, I still kept the habit. It got worse and worse, and I started to deteriorate. I wasn't sleeping properly, I was stressed and unfocused. I tried to commit suicide once more. When I woke up in the hospital, though, I realized how clear my mind was, how alert I was. After that, I never cut myself enough to die, just enough to keep me alert, alive. The pain gave me a reason to live, a reminder of why I was living. It gave me control. Mizuki may have influenced my mental pain, but I could control my physical pain.

The only time Mizuki ever cut my skin, was when he tried to kill Naruto. He ended up in prison, and I thought it was over. I thought I could live in peace, but the pain didn't go away, the urges didn't go away. If anything, they got worse. I never went on missions, I wasn't strong enough to. I realized I'd never be strong enough to be a jounin, I'd never have my own team, never be able to prove that I was worth something. This is the first mission I've been on for years."


	17. Chapter 17

Warm. He was warm. He pushed his head down into his pillow and slowly opened his eyes, prepared to slam them shut at the glare he knew would come. Blue. His eyes opened fully and met a clear blue sky, framed by lightly swaying branches of birch and ash. His pillow shifted slightly.

"You awake?"

Kakashi...

He was sleeping with his head in Kakashi's lap. Sleeping with his head in the copy cat ninja's lap. Panic swept over him and he leapt to his feet, fighting the blush which threatened to adorn his cheeks. His stomach rebelled at the movement and he made his ritual morning rush to the bathroom, or in this case, the forest.

Kakashi sighed as he heard the chuunin gag a short way away from the camp. The man hadn't eaten anything for the duration of the mission. He'd lived off energy drinks the entire time. So why was the chuunin's body so desperate to rid itself of something not even there? He sighed again and leaned back against the log he had slept against and turned back to the fire he had lit while the young man was asleep on him.

Now he could move his legs, he uncrossed them, wincing at the cramp his knees had gained during the night, and walked over to the tent their clients were sleeping in. He pulled out three rabbits they had caught yesterday at dusk, and picked up the small pouch of berry-like fruits he had found in the semi-darkness.

A shimmer of metal caught his eye and he was instantly on guard. It flashed again and he tracked it to where he and Iruka had been sleeping. He put down the rabbits and fruit next to the fire as the metal in Iruka's hair tie caught the flickering orange again. He looked at the elastic tie on the ground and reached out to pick it up. Iruka's hair tie. A grin lit up Kakashi's face. Well, it would have had it not been for the mask. Remembering Gai's challenge, he pocketed the young man's hair tie.

Iruka stumbled back into the clearing to the smell of roasting rabbits just as their clients clambered out of their tent to the smell of breakfast. His stomach turned at the thought of eating rabbits, of eating anything. He jumped as Kakashi held his hand out towards him.

"Found these last night. I didn't think you'd want to eat meat first thing in the morning."

Iruka nodded in thanks and walked a little way away from the fire, jumping up into a tree so he could eat without the smell of rabbit. From here he could see the whole clearing. From up the tree, he could see that bush... Rabbits were sounding like much better company.

**

The end of the mission had been pretty much un-eventful, with the exception of Iruka's accusation of Kakashi stealing his hair tie when he realized he didn't have it in, until now.

They'd said goodbye to their clients and taken off home again at a steady speed, stopping only once of the first day to have some lunch and a quick rest. It was on the second day Kakashi brought it up.

"You should talk to Tsunade."

Iruka blinked, brushing a stray strand of hair from his face. "Talk to Tsunade?" Surely he couldn't mean about that. Could he?

"Cutting yourself isn't healthy, Iruka. Neither is bulimia. Both can kill you." The copy-nin kept walking, ignoring the chuunin's pause to re-tie his hair with a piece of drying-out ivy vine.

"Bulimia?"

Kakashi stopped and turned to the chuunin, dropping the bag from his shoulders onto the leafy ground. "Bulimia is what you're doing by eating and then throwing up. Although I'd call trying to live off diet caffeine drinks anorexia myself."

"I'm not anorexic, Kakashi." He dropped his bag next to Kakashi's and flopped down onto the ground, thankful for the break. He took the berries the older man handed him and bit into one. He wrinkled his nose at the taste but ate it anyway.

Kakashi raised an unseen eyebrow at the chuunin's expression.

"They taste of strawberries." He pulled out a can of drink from his bag to wash away the taste of the hated fruit from his mouth.

Kakashi resisted the urge to knock the familiar can out of the chuunin's hand. That stuff couldn't be good for him. There was no way anyone could drink something with such a high caffeine content and not have it do some damage to them.

"I don't know why I told you anyway. I've never told anyone. The only people who knew are now either dead or in prison. Not that he'd say anything anyway." he spat the last sentence out with venom, surprising the jounin.

"You told me because you couldn't keep something like that locked up inside you any longer. You had to let it out." He put one of the berries into his own mouth and chewed it. It really did taste of strawberry.


	18. Chapter 18

"Iruka-sensei!"

He turned just in time to catch the orange cannon ball heading his way.

"You're back! Come buy me ramen! Please!"

Iruka looked down into Naruto's sparkley blue eyes and shook his head sadly.

"Sorry, Naruto. I've got to go see the hokage. Some other time." He ruffled the pouting boy's hair and followed Kakashi's path across the rooftops to the hokage's tower. He caught just as the jounin was about to leap in through the window.

"She won't like you doing that and you know it." He hissed at the silver-haired man as he passed him.

Kakashi merely shrugged and leapt into the office through the window. Iruka stepped through the door a matter of seconds later.

"CAN YOU NOT USE THE GODDAMN DOOR LIKE ANY CIVILIZED PERSON HATAKE?"

Kakashi grinned slightly under his mask. He's never get tired of the Hokage's welcomes.

**

He found Iruka standing by the memorial, staring at it with empty eyes. His hand was covering two of the names on its shiny surface.

"I should be on here, not them." A single tear went unnoticed as it slid from his eye and was caught by the loose hair hanging around his face.

"You should go home, take a shower and go to bed."

Iruka nodded. He removed his hand, running his fingertips over the carved names as he left, wondering why he was obeying this man without a second thought.

Silence stole over the silver haired man as he stood by the now-abandoned kia stone. "Hey guys, I'm back. Didn't expect it to be a very hard mission, not when I was taking a chuunin teacher with me. He's too emotional." He crouched down directly in front of the shiny stone and spoke directly to a small group of people. Obito and Rin.

**

The moon was unnaturally bright, even for a full moon it had an unwavering intensity which had Iruka laying on his back staring at it, not even attempting to sleep. He briefly saw a shadow pass over it, landing in a nearby tree, clutching at it's upper arm. Another landed next to it and they leapt off again together. Just as they left, Iruka saw the first man look straight at him, their eyes meeting as he saw the moonlight glance off the white porcelain of the ANBU's painted cat mask.

He lay there smiling into the darkness, long after the cat-nin had left.


	19. Chapter 19

To say he was bored was a very mild way of putting it he decided. Bored shitless came slightly closer, but not much. He glared heatedly at the desk his head was rested on, following the swirls in the wood with his eyes. His gaze traveled to his arm which was stretched around his head. He traced the scars he knew were there with a pencil on his sleeve. Since talking to Kakashi, he hadn't felt the need to cut himself. Perhaps there was some truth behind the man's words after all. A sudden wave of rage spiked in him, heating his body from the inside out. The man had no right to get involved in his business. "Bastard," he muttered under his breath, jabbing the sharp point of the pencil into his wrist. A hand caught the pencil just as it was about to make contact.

"Don't do that."

His head jerked up, ready to berate the copy-nin, only to come face to mask with an ANBU. He took the report the cat masked man handed him and looked at it blankly.

"Aren't these supposed to go directly to the hokage?"

"Hokage-sama is currently indisposed. I figured the most sensible thing would be to hand it into the missions desk."

Iruka glared. "Great, I'm a missions desk now," he grumbled, placing the scroll on the side of the desk. He glanced up again just as the ANBU turned to leave.

"Cat-san, you're bleeding!"

Indeed, the once white-gray of the man's armor was slowly staining crimson.

"It's nothing. I'll bandage it up when I get home."

"Come here. I may as well do it for you, not like I can do anything else." He pulled out a reel of bandage from the first air kit under the desk and made his way over to the stationary ANBU. He pulled the armor over the man's head and pushed up his shirt to get access to the wound. The bandages around his stomach were crimson. Muttering about the general incompetence of high-class ninja and their inability to look after themselves, he peeled off the first one layer of gauze, followed by a second, third and fourth before he finally got to the wound. It wasn't deep, but the blade that had caused it had been blunt and the skin was torn rather than sliced. The field stitches were coming undone.

"Kami. You should really go to the hospital, get these stitches re-done at least."

The cat-nin shook his head.

Iruka glared at the older nin and dragged the first aid kit from beneath the desk, searching through it for a needle and some stich thread.

He almost missed the sharp intake of breath as the needle touched the ANBU's stomach.

He shrugged it off mentally, telling himself he must just have hurt the ANBU.

He stitched up the elite as best he could and re-bandaged the wound, wrapping the white gauze securely around the man's stomach and back.

"Thank you." The cat-nin picked up his stained armor and left in a silent poof of smoke.

Iruka glowered. Now he had nothing to do again. "Great," he muttered into the silence of the Sunday morning. "Just fucking great."


	20. Chapter 20

He rolled over, hand above his head on the pillow as he stared at the ceiling. He really needed to get some new curtains... Preferably fire-proof ones. The luminous numbers on the clock showed it to be half past two in the morning. Stupid cat-nin wouldn't let him sleep. He wondered, yet again, if the man had ever gone to the hospital, or if he had simply hoped Iruka's haphazard stitches would hold. He sighed. Perhaps he should take up occupation as a medic-nin? Those stitches he had done were pretty good. It would be useful on the field as well. If he ever got to do missions anymore.

Giving up on his sleep idea, he swung his legs over the side of the bed and walked silently over to his cabinet, puling out a pair of casual slacks and a plain t-shirt. He pulled them on and walked out of the apartment, locking the door behind him and tucking the key into a pouch in his sandal.

The moon was nowhere in sight as Iruka set out running around the perimeter of the village, skirting around the boundaries of both the Uchiha and Hyuuga estate as he went. He remembered his most recent training outburst in the rain, his sword clashing against his clone of Hayate's. At least this time, he had no sharp edges to hurt himself with. His foot slipped on the mossy village wall and he slid down into the undergrowth outside, chakra sticking him closely to the stone.

"Iruka-sensei? Should you not be resting at such an un-youthful hour?"

He looked up just in time to see the green blur descend beside him.

"I couldn't sleep. Figured I wasn't getting enough training anyway." His gaze fell back to his lap as he sat down upon the damp grass.

"You shouldn't just stop moving. It's not good for your body." Gai held out a hand to the chuunin and smiled as it was accepted. He pulled the light man to his feet. "What has your mind so preoccupied that you can not sleep?"

They leapt back up onto the wall together before Iruka answered.

"I was thinking about becoming a medic-nin," they started off jogging again as he continued. "I don't know if I have enough skill to do it, but I thought I might be nice to try. I'm just stagnant as a teacher, aren't I?"

Gai looked round at the tan man running beside him. "You wist to become a jounin?" He waited for an answer, but only got a shrug in response. "The next jounin exam is in five months. I will train you up to jounin standard if you wish it."

"Thank you, Gai-san." Iruka replied softly.

"You can decide at a later date if you wish to take the exam. If not, then it is simply more training which will help you in whatever path you choose to pursue."

**

He lay in bed again, staring out of the window into the darkness outside. There was no moon to light up the pitch black of the night sky. His mind went back to Gai's question. Did he want to be a jounin? He didn't want to be stuck as a chuunin all his life. His eyes drifted to the scars on his arms. Being a jounin would prove to sensei that he could achieve something. Becoming a jounin would mean he wasn't the same rank as Mizuki anymore. Becoming a jounin would mean he no longer had papers to mark, no longer have to work at the missions desk. He would have more time to himself. The cat-nin passed though his thoughts again. More time to study medical jutsus.

As he stared out of the window, he swore he saw the cat-masked ninja pass across the sky. "Yes," he whispered to the stars. "I do want to become a jounin."


	21. Chapter 21

Three of the five months had passed until the exams. Three months of being trained by Maito Gai was having an effect on his body. He was faster, stronger, sharper, more hungry and he could sleep properly at night. All thought of hurting himself had gone from his head.

"Hey, Iruka."

He lifted his head from the thick volume rested on his knees and turned to Izumo, his feet still propped on the desk.

"What you reading? Looks very boring and old from where we're sitting." Kotetsu nodded beside him.

"The theories behind medical ninjutsu."

"You trying to become a medic-nin?"

"I'm gonna give it a shot, see if I'm any good."

"Has this got anything to do with that ANBU you were telling us about?"

"Partially. He was what got me thinking about it. It was Gai who really started me seriously looking into it when he said I have the perfect chakra control that medical ninjutsu needs."

"Gai?"

"Iruka let out a sound of confirmation and looked back at the book on his knees. "He's been training me for the jounin exam."

"Y-you're going in for the jounin exam?"

"I want to do something. I want to help people rather than sitting around teaching innocent children to become cold hearted killers. If I have the skills to become a jounin, to be a medic-nin, I want to do that. I want to prove to myself, and to sensei, that I'm better than all this." he waved a hand in the direction of the pile of reports he'd sorted that morning.

In the silence that followed, Kotetsu and Izumo turned to each other, shrugged and went back to their work. Iruka went back to reading.

**

"Ahem."

This was fascinating. Apparently, if you could gain complete control over your own chakra, you could control anyone elses' provided there was a skin on skin contact.

"AHem."

That meant if he had the control to heal someone, but not the chakra, he could

"AHEm"

use someone else's' chakra to heal-

"AHEM!"

"What?!"

Chocolate eyes met black ones across the desk on which Iruka's feet were still perched. He folded over the corner of the page and dumped the closed book onto the dark wood with a pleasing thud. He removed his feet from the desk and swung the chair back onto it's four feet opposed to the two he had it on. He took the report the interrogations officer thrust at him.

"Thank you, Morino-san." He opened it, scanned through it, stamped his approval and added it to the heap of sorted scrolls. As he went to pick the book back up, Ibiki stopped in the doorway. 

"From what I've seen of you, Umino, I'd say being a medic-nin is a very good path to go down. Sometimes, it can take healing other people to heal ourselves." He left silently, leaving Iruka staring after him, his cryptic words ringing in his ears. How had Ibiki known? Had Kakashi told him? Had he been wrong in trusting the silver haired jounin? Or could Ibiki just tell from the way he reacted around other people, after all, the man was a trained interrogator. With a sigh, he turned back to the book.

**

"Training to help more unfortunate souls who don't deem their injuries significant enough to bother the hospital?"

Iruka looked up sharply at the scathing tone, only to see the familiar cat mask that had haunted him ever since they had met three months ago.

"Perhaps if you had gone to the hospital, they would have told you it was a serious injury. Blunt tools are more often that not, used for poison."

"Hokage-sama has decided we are to hand in our reports to whoever is on duty and she will collect them all at the end of the day."

Iruka glared at the ANBU who had just deliberately changed the subject. He reached out a hand for the scroll the man was holding when a grin spread across his face and he dropped his hand onto the desk.

"I was right, wasn't I. It was poisoned."

"You will make a fine medic-nin. You have the same better than thou attitude as them." He dropped the scroll onto the desk and spun around.

"No, I'm just making a point that a chuunin knows what's best for an ANBU when said ANBU doesn't."

The cat nin turned back round and placed his hands on the desk, leaning over the chuunin. "Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone thinks their injuries are not as bad as they are, not as serious as other people would say they are You should understand, considering the scent of blood hangs around you however hard you try to mask it!" He hissed out the last sentence before forming the hand signs and disappearing in a plume of chakra smoke.

Iruka sat in silence, thankful Kotetsu and Izumo weren't there to ask him what the hell happened. He hadn't been that self-righteous had he? No. The cat-nin was just in a bad mood. He picked up the book once more.


	22. Chapter 22

It hurt. Burnt, scalded, hurt. The water pouring down upon him filled the room with steam to the point that it imitated fog. Long ago the individual burns had melded together into one mass or red flesh. Somewhere in the distance he heard a door open and close, heard a voice call out in a language he didn't understand. Another door, closer at hand and the same voice, louder, repeated.

"Iruka!"

Through the haze of heat and steam he blinked and saw a green blur staring down at him. Nothing could be heard for a few seconds save the rushing water which grew to be static in Iruka's ears.

Clang!

Both men looked down as the knife hit the shower floor. He couldn't focus on it, couldn't see it through the curtain of hair covering his face, through the mist, through the red water running off his body around his ankles.

**

It hurt. It hurt to move, hell, it hurt to breathe. His head was pounding and his mouth was dry. Was he drunk? Hangover? His arms stung, his chest stung, he shifted slightly and his entire body screamed in protest.

"Iruka? You alright? Can you move?"

"N, no." He managed to rasp out, throat burning as he did so. Something touched his lips and he tried to jerk away from it.

"Ssh. Don't move if it hurts. It's just water. We need to get some liquid into you. You've quite successfully dehydrated yourself. There's a pain reliever in there as well."

He opened his mouth slightly and let whoever it was pour water slowly into him, giving him time to swallow. After the glass was gone, he lay there for a while, giving the pain relievers time to kick in. Eventually the stinging and burning receded and he pushed himself into a sitting position. His eyes opened and he saw Gai sitting on the edge of his bed.

"How you feeling?"

"Like someone used me for target practice then dumped me in a sauna." Iruka tried to make Gai laugh, but the man just frowned and dropped something heavy onto his knees.

His knife.

"Shit." He couldn't bring himself to meet the older man's eyes. He'd done it again. He'd promised Kakashi he'd stopped, promised himself he'd stopped for good. He drew his knees up to his chest and wrapped his bandaged arms around them, burying his face into his bare flesh, hair falling around him like a protective curtain. He wasn't going to cry. Not in front of Gai. Men didn't cry, especially not ones aspiring to be jounin. A tear dripped off his nose and he grit his teeth.

"I'm not a medic-nin, but I patched you up as best I could. You burnt yourself badly as well. Perhaps you should turn down the thermostat." He grinned slightly but stopped when he saw the chuunin wasn't looking at him. "What upset you so badly you wanted to hurt yourself like this?"

Iruka grit his teeth even harder, suppressing the sob that welled up inside him. The tears came faster and he couldn't stop them, couldn't slow them. He'd lost the control over his body he'd finally managed to gain after all these years.

"Iruka?"

"Leave me 'lone." His body shook and he willed the tears to stop.

Gai frowned at the dark-skinned man and placed a hand on his shoulder. He could feel the younger man's frame shaking. "Iruka? Talk to me please. I want to help you."

"I don't need help! Not from you, not from Kakashi, not from anyone!" He coughed thickly and sobbed into his knees, trying to keep his shaking to a minimum. Gai's hand on his shoulder wasn't helping matters. The hand left him and the bed rose slightly. He was pulled gently backwards to rest against Gai's broad chest, the hand that had rested on his shoulder now running through his hair.

Iruka hiccuped. "I don't want help, I just want to be left alone. I wish I'd never told Kakashi anything."

"No you don't. You wouldn't know what to do if you were left alone." Iruka sobbed even harder as his hands gripped the front of Gai's green spandex. "You're lonely, aren't you."


	23. Chapter 23

He really was hideous. There were bandages wrapped around his legs and stomach, his chest and all the way up the length of both arms. His neck. There were bandages around his neck. He's tried to kill himself. Panic swept over him and he felt sick. He'd been so out of it he'd tried to kill himself. He probably would have had Gai not been there. Gai. He needed someone like Gai. Someone strong and reliable to look after him. He unwrapped the bandages around his neck.

Deep red gashes ran from his collar bone to where his neck joined his head. Wish a sigh he wrapped the stained gauze around them again and cast a henge over himself. Didn't want to kids to know what he'd been doing.

**

_Iruka,_

_Tsunade has sent me and my team on a mission to Rock to escort one of their diplomats back home to talk about alliances. We should be back in a few weeks. If you feel the need to hurt yourself again, talk to someone._

_Gai_

He put down the note with a sigh and ran his hand around his un-bandaged and mostly healed neck. He'd tried using a healing jutsu on his cuts earlier and, while it hadn't worked perfectly, they were healed enough he didn't need to bandage them anymore.

talk to someone

He wished he had someone to talk to. Gai was on a mission, he and Kakashi barely saw each other away from the missions room. Perhaps he should get a life. One away from the classroom or the missions desk.

"Oi! Iruka! You there?"

He redid the henge on his wounds and stumbled off his bed to the front door. Izumo and Kotetsu greeted him from the hallway outside.

"Hey. You wanna come to the pub with us? Zu's girl dumped him last week, see if we can't get him a new one." Kotetsu grinned as Iruka nodded.

"Alright. Wait a second and I'll go change." There was no way he'd be able to keep up the henge all night, especially whilst intoxicated.

Five minutes later, Iruka exited his bedroom dressed in a roll neck long sleeved black jumper and an equally dark pair of jeans. Izumo and Kotetsu leapt off the couch as he appeared.

"You ready?"

Iruka nodded and picked up the door key off the table by the couch.

**

"You are such a fucking lightweight, Ru!" Izumo almost fell over laughing. He caught himself and regained his composture, grinning at the blushing brunette next to him. He reached over and stole his friend's hair tie, slipping it around his own wrist as he watched the long brown strands fall about his face.

"Hehe, Iruka you could almost pass for a girl. If you had tits I'd fuck you!"

Kotetsu laughed just as he took a mouthful of beer. The result was it coming out of his nose and Iruka and Izumo laughing at his expense.

"Laugh if you will," he said, sponging beer out of the front of his shirt. "But you just called Iruka a girl."

"I did not! I just said I'd fuck him if he was a girl."

Iruka decided he really didn't want to hear this, even halfway intoxicated, and somehow managed to order another double shot of something he'd already forgotten the name of.

**

"Ru, I think you've had enough." Izumo tried to pry the half empty glass out of Iruka's hands after noting how much he was swaying, despite kneeling down. "C'mon, gunna get you home." He stood up perhaps a little quicker than he should have. Kotetsu caught him as he fell.

After much stumbling and falling over themselves, each other, and everyone else in the pub, they managed to make it outside. They each held onto one of Iruka's arms and walked slowly down the silent road.

"Y'know, I wouldn't mind if y' fucked me. Y'er pretty."

Izumo raised an eyebrow at Iruka's sudden comment. "I'm not going to fuck you Iruka. You're drunk, and you're a guy."

"Oh."

There was silence for a few minutes as they walked along, Iruka looking rather downcast and not managing to walk in a stright line despite being held up.

"How come you two aren't drunk then?"

"Because I was drinking beer and Izumo was drinking cider instead of shots. 'Sides, we're used to it. You're obviously not."

"Oh." He said again, looking back at the ground. "Zumo?"

"Mm?"

"'M gunna be sick."

**

"Remind me never to take Iruka drinking again!" Kotetsu grumbled at his friend as he tried to maneuver the unconscious form onto the bed. Izumo laughed at him. There was a scrunch noise as he lay Iruka down. Izumo reached over and lifted his head slightly, pulling out a folded, and now rather crumpled, piece of paper he placed it on the bedside cabinet.

"I'll go get him a glass of water. He'll no doubt want one when he wakes up. See if you can find him some pajamas." Izumo disappeared out of the door and walked along the hall to the kitchen. He was just about to turn on the tap when he heard Kotetsu calling him from Iruka's bedroom.

"Zu, come here."

Kotetsu stood beside Iruka's motionless form, the jumper the brunette had been wearing in his hand. Izumo's eyes strayed to Iruka's now exposed neck.

"Shit. Did you just heal these?"

"No. It's no wonder he was wearing a turtle neck to night tho. He must've had a henge on all day, probably a few days by the looks of those."

"You think we should tell him we know?"

Kotetsu shook his head. "No. He'll tell us when he's ready." He tried not to look at the half healed mutilated form of his friend's torso as he wrestled the turtle neck back onto him.


	24. Chapter 24

It had been a week since he had been to the pub with Izumo and Kotetsu. A week since he had woken up with the hangover from hell. A week in which to mull over Izumo's words.

_I'm not going to fuck you Iruka... you're a guy_

Was he reading too deeply into it? Was it simply that Izumo was straight? Or was it that he thought gays were wrong? And why the hell did it bother him so-

"Iruka-sensei?"

He snapped his head up, wincing slightly as still sensitive skin of his neck was strained.

"What's a fucking queer?"

Iruka blinked, wondering if he really heard his student correctly, or if he had just thought up the question in his mind. He was quite unnerved how closely the question ran with his thoughts.

"I don't think I quite caught that."

The lilac eyed girl rolled her eyes. "I said, what's a fucking queer. Father was saying last night that they should all be rounded up and killed."

He was sure his eyes must have widened fractionally. Never had a Hyuuga used language like that in public. It really was quite amazing what you could learn about someone from their children.

"A queer is someone of homosexual orientation." There was no way in hell he was going to say gay in front of his class.

"Could you say that in language we have some hope of understanding."

Iruka glared at Hanabi's scathing tone. "A man who likes other men. Now get back to whatever it was you were doing." He mentally sent out a prayer to whatever deity chose to take pity on him as Genma walked in.

"Tsunade sent me to tell you you're not needed in the missions room tonight. Seems to think I'm a courier now. This is the third errand she's sent me on today. She even sent me to buy her sake earlier!"

Iruka couldn't help but stifle a laugh as Genma rolled his eyes.

"Is Genma-san queer, Iruka-sensei?"

Genma raised an eyebrow at Iruka as he turned to look at the student he was about to kill slowly and painfully. He only hoped it wasn't-

"He's a man, and he likes you," Konohamaru continued. "That makes him queer right?"

"NO!" Iruka yelled. "A queer in a man who likes other men sexually. End of. Do your work before I throw something at you!"

**

"I heard you had a rather entertaining lesson today."

He smacked the man next to him and got a chuckle in response.

"'S not my fault. Hanabi brought it up. She came out and said 'Iruka-sensei, what's a fucking queer?' What was I supposed to say to that?"

"Tell them?"

"That's what I tried to do. Do you have any idea how hard it is to explain to a bunch of eight year olds what queer means in language they will understand?"

He stared up at the stars for a few minutes before Gai spoke.

"Have you been thinking about that all day?"

"Yea, why?" He turned his head to look at the green-clad jounin next to him.

"You seemed very distracted this evening is all. I thought you were being influenced by my amazing good looks." He grinned at Iruka who promptly hit him again.

"I was trying to decide if I'm gay."

Gai blinked and sat up, looking down at the chuunin who looked away from him. "You were trying to decide if you're gay? But isn't that something you go through in your teens?"

"I was never really interested in anyone when I was a teenager." He whispered, unable to look Gai in the face.

"Iruka?"

"Will you kiss me?"

"I-Iruka, I-"

"Don't worry. Forget it."

**

The coiling smoke rose up and faded away as the particles spread. He looked at the cup of lukewarm tea on his bedside table. He didn't know why he made tea, only that he did when stressed or after being really upset. He didn't even drink it...

He looked down at the smoking joint. He didn't have any real desire to smoke it. He'd lit it out of habit.

What was he thinking? Asking Gai to kiss him? He wasn't gay... Was he? Gai did have a very nice body under that spandex though. He'd seem it once after soaking him with a water jutsu early on in one of their sparring sessions. He wondered how many people Genma had told about his incident with his class. Genma was nice. He had nice hair. He had a sudden urge to run his hands through Genma's hair, but squashed it. It was just hair. It didn't mean anything. Kakashi had nice hair. It looked like a bird had tried to make a nest in it. He choked out a laugh at a sudden mental image of Kakashi with a crow in his hair. That ANBU had a nice body as well, firm toned muscle under soft skin. The gash hadn't really spoiled it that much either. It was masculine, almost sexy in its own way. Heat curled in his own stomach and a blush graced his cheeks. He was not gay.

He glanced down at the joint still smoldering weakly in his fingers. He still had no real urge for it, but he raised it to his lips and took a drag anyway.


	25. Chapter 25

"Kawarimi no jutsu!" Iruka yelled in panic as he realized there was no way he could avoid the massive fireball coming straight for him. He appeared beside Gai and they both stood for a second watching as the chakra enhanced fire skimmed across the lake and went out.

"You're ready for it," Gai drew Iruka close to his side and half hugged him. "I'm proud of you."

Iruka grinned and flopped down onto the ground when Gai released him. He stretched out on the bank and waited until Gai had sat down next to him before he answered.

"Thanks. There's no way I would have made it without you."

Gai lay down next to Iruka and they shared a soft smile before turning to watch the sun set over the wooded sky-line. Just as the deep red rays dipped behind the horizon, Gai whispered to the chuunin, not looking at him, but straight up at the sky, "If you were gay, you wouldn't be alone."

Iruka nodded, not looking at the man next to him. "Yea, I kno- hang on, what?" He sat up sharply, looking down at Gai.

Gai sighed but repeated himself.

Iruka flopped back down onto the grass, suddenly aware of how close they were. He could feel the heat from Gai's body contrasting sharply with the rapidly cooling air around them.

"When did you decide that?"

"That night you asked me to kiss you, I realized my feelings for him went beyond friendship."

"Who?"

"Kakashi."

"Kakashi?"

"Don't know when I fell in love with him, but for a while now every time he went on a mission I'd get this pain in my chest when I thought he might not be coming back."

"Fuck. Does he know?"

Gai didn't respond verbally, but Iruka could feel him shake his head. "I hope he never does find out. There's not a chance he'd return my feelings. He's like, emotionless." He sighed deeply. "Anyone you like?"

"Not really. Gen's pretty fit."

"Genma?"

"Hm."

"Anyone else?" 

Iruka could almost hear the teasing note in his voice, but decided it really couldn't hurt to tell him. "There was an ANBU I met a while back who came in to deliver a mission scroll and I stitched him back together. He had a really nice body, but a really crappy personality."

"ANBU?"

"Yea."

"What mask was he wearing?"

"A cat." When no response was forthcoming, Iruka continued. "What of it?" He rolled onto his stomach to look at Gai.

"He was in Kakashi's squad when he was an ANBU commander. If it is the same cat. You never can really tell unless you know the person behind the mask."

Silence reigned for a few more minutes before Iruka rolled back to his original position and said rather absently, "I wonder if Genma's gay."

Gai raised an eyebrow and laughed. "How do you plan on asking him that?"

"Alcohol. Works every-" He stopped short and shook his head. "I'll end up having to pour gallons of coffee down him in the morning. Not alcohol." He'd only seen Genma drunk once before. He'd spent the next day in bed with a pounding headache and had drunk several pots of coffee before falling asleep again. Silence, and then "I have no idea." He looked at Gai expectantly.

"Don't look at me!" He said defensively. "You're his friend!"

"Might not be for long if I ask him to fuck me."

Gai chocked back a laugh. "That desperate?"

"No! I just can't concentrate on anything at the moment. And I can't get that fucking cat-nin out of my head!"

Gai just laughed.


	26. Chapter 26

"What's this I hear about my little dolphin going in for the jounin exams?!

Iruka looked up to find Genma leaning on the desk, sucking lewdly on the senbon in his mouth. He fought the flush he was sure painted his face. "Hey Gen."

Genma raised an eyebrow and brought his hand up to eye level, lazily inspecting his nails. "I also heard that you and Gai are getting very close." He trailed off, glancing at Iruka and leaving the question hanging.

Iruka glared as best he could, avoiding looking at the metal. "Gai is training me for the exams. That's all."

"Why was he seen coming out of your apartment about three months ago? Someone saw him go in in the evening and come out the next morning looking tired." He emphasized the last word slightly, raising an eyebrow and sitting on the desk.

"He was tired because he had been looking after me all night." He saw Genma's smirk. "NOT LIKE THAT!" He squawked indignantly. "I was ill!"

"If you want to put it like that then feel free. We all know what you mean." He winked.

Iruka glared back as Genma flicked the senbon from one side of his mouth to the other. "Why am I friends with you?" He turned back to the report he was filing. "You're such a pervert."

"But you love me really." Genma slid across the polished wood until he was as close to Iruka as he could be without falling into his lap. He grinned at Iruka and laughed when the younger man turned scarlet.

"You keep thinking that." He pushed Genma away from him. "Now fuck off. I have work to do."

"Do I get a goodbye kiss? After all, I am going on a very dangerous mission, I might not come back."

"Gen, you're going to look after a genin team for a day. That's not life threatening." He lent across the desk and pecked Genma on the cheek before sitting back down again, looking like a tomato.

"That wasn't a kiss Ru," he whined. "Or are you too embarrassed to kiss a guy?" He waggled his eyebrows and Iruka just laughed at him. 

"I'd get my eye poked out if I tried to kiss you properly. That thing's lethal!"

He turned back to the report and managed to read another sentence before a hand was on his chin, forcing his head up and Genma's lips were on his. He tensed for a second before relaxing as Genma's tongue traced along his bottom lip. He opened his mouth slightly and shivered as their tongues met. He made a small sound of protest as his friend pulled away.

Genma grinned as he left Iruka in a daze, slipped the senbon back into his mouth and walked out of the door with a small wave. He was late to meet the gennin team, but he couldn't bring himself to care. He'd just pull a Kakashi and make up some ridiculous excuse.

He arrived in a poof of chakra smoke on the railings of a small bridge to meet the team. "Hey, sorry I'm late, see there was this dolphin, and I had to give it mouth to mouth."

**

Iruka merely raised an eyebrow as he observed the forms of his two fellow chuunin falling through the door.

"I-Iruka!" Kotetsu managed to gasp out. "Guess who we just saw!" He collapsed again into hysterics.

Iruka's raised eyebrow went un-noticed by the laughing chuunin. "Who?"

"Na-Naruto!" Izumo hauled himself upright using the door frame until he was standing. "He was ranting about stupid substitutes so we asked him what was wrong." He erupted into more fits.

Kotetsu continued from his place on the floor. "He said Kakashi's substitute had turned up late and his excuse was he had to give a dolphin mouth to mouth!"

Iruka tried not to laugh, but the hysterical pair on the floor kept giggling and he found it to be infectious.


	27. Chapter 27

"Winner, Umino Iruka."

He would have reached down to help his opponent. He would have said 'good fight' and shaken hands with the raven-haired man... had he not passed out.

"Congratulations."

"Well done."

"Told you you could do it."

"IRUKA-SENSEI! ARE YOU OK?"

"'M fine Naruto. Please stop yelling so loud."

White. White. White. Green?

"How are you feeling, Iruka?"

Iruka pushed himself upright and looked around, instantly realizing he was in one of the private rooms at the hospital. Tsunade, Genma, Gai and Naruto were all grouped around the bed he was laying on, peering at him. "I feel fine, why am I here?"

"You collapsed just after the results were announced. Congratulations, you did it." Gai handed him the jounin vest on the chair beside him.

"Now I have to train even harder to catch up with you Iruka-sensei!"

"Naruto, you haven't even passed the chuunin exams yet. Focus on them first." Iruka smiled and suddenly felt very tired. He closed his eyes and fell asleep almost instantly.

**

"I didn't think you'd want to start straight out doing S-ranks, so I've got you an A rank."

Iruka nodded and took the scroll Tsunade handed him.

"I want you and Genma to escort one of the feudal lords of lightning country home. He's had many death threats and was nearly killed when he went through water country. He also has his daughter with him. You'll need to look out for her as well. From what he's said, she has a habit of getting into places she shouldn't."

"Sounds like the kids at the academy."

"The kids you are used to trying to control are 9-12. This girl is 19. I think she's going to be harder to manage than any pre-teen."

Iruka nodded again, slipping the scroll into his vest.

"Go find Genma. I want you both back here packed and ready to go at 11."

**

At precisely 11AM, Iruka and Genma entered the Hokage's office dressed, as requested, in civilian attire. Iruka wore a skin-tight black long sleeved t-shirt with a high neck and loose fitting black pants which were made almost entirely of pockets. Genma wore black pants and a green tank top. Both had substituted their sandals for hard-wearing black boots.

Iruka almost laughed as he noticed the stick in his friend's mouth wasn't actually his usual senbon but a piece of chocolate pocky. He wondered where the man was keeping his weapons but could see nowhere obvious. Suddenly wearing baggy pants was a good idea when he realized Genma's clothes were so tight they left nothing to the imagination.

"Ah. Iruka, Genma, this is your client, Yuuri Hatori, and his daughter Sora." She gestured to the two figures standing by the window.

The feudal lord was balding and what little hair he did have was gray. He wore blue pants and a white shirt. His stance was that of someone afraid he was about to be attacked. His daughter was completely at ease, her long blonde hair fanning slightly as she lent on the ledge of the open window. While her father was trying to show as little flesh as possible, she seemed to be showing as much as she could. Her black shorts barely came down past her arse and the hem of the purple camisole brushed her back several inches above the top of the shorts.

"Hatori, Sora, these two are Genma and Iruka. Genma you're still wearing your headband."

Iruka laughed as Genma pulled it off and replaced it with a red bandanna he had seemingly procured from nowhere. He stopped laughing, however, when Tsunade's next criticism was directed at him.

"Iruka, take your hair down. You look like an idiot dressed like that with your hair up."

He glared but untied his hair, shaking it out and letting it hang around his shoulders, dark bangs falling over his face. He ignored Genma's snort in favour of telling him the bandanna clashed horribly with his top.


	28. Chapter 28

"Having problems?"

"No, just one. And problem doesn't cut it. That girl is a fucking pain in the arse!"

Genma grinned. Not only did Sora dress like a slut, she acted like one as well, especially around Iruka. He watched as Iruka brushed a lock of hair out of his face and stab the fish he had just caught violently onto sharpened sticks.

"Bitch won't leave me alone. And if she wears any less clothes she'll be naked. Does she care? Probably not." He glared at the shiny-scaled salmon. It was their fault somehow. "She asked me to marry her three times today. Does she not understand the word no?!"

Genma silently watched his friend poke angrily at the fire, almost putting it out several times. He wanted to say something that would calm Iruka down, but for the first time he couldn't think of anything. "Fucking bitch," he heard Iruka mutter. "Does she not understand I'm just not interested in her?"

He stopped stabbing at the fire and waved the stick around, imitating her annoying voice. "Oh, Iruka! I love your hair, you're so cute, are you cold? I could give you a hug if you are. Iruka will you marry me? I promise to look after you."

Genma couldn't help but laugh.

"Fuck Gen, it's not funny!"

"Why don't you tell her you're gay?"

"I'm not gay! I like girls... Just, not that one."

In the next 24 hours, those three words haunted him, like a mantra he kept mentally repeating; "I'm not gay. I'm not gay. I'm not gay." Gradually, it began to change during the course of the next day it became "I think I'm gay," and by the time evening had rolled around, it was a definite, "I'm gay."

It was the battle that sealed it.

Around 4 'o' clock, a group of three A-Rank missing nins came leaping down from the trees and surrounded them. Iruka jumped in and grabbed Sora out of the way of a blast of water headed straight for her. As he placed her out of harm's way, he saw Genma fighting a nin from the hidden village of Waterfall who was trying to get into the Lord's cabin. Iruka had found himself on several occasions thinking, "prissy git, too great to sleep on the ground, to posh to offer us a bed." 

One of the nins threw a kunai at Genma, at the back of his head. Iruka knew that Genma hadn't seen it and threw a shuriken, changing the kunai's direction so it thumped into a tree instead of his friend. His eyes quickly swept over the two ninjas facing him. One from Rock and one from Sand. The nin from Sand whipped out a kunai and threw it straight at his head. He thought it was very graceful the way the Sand-nin moved, and the way his long hair fanned out behind- He ducked.

There was a tree directly behind the Rock-nin. If he could get them both over there, he could tie them to it. The only problem was getting them to stay. He was in no doubt that they would quite easily be able to escape simple nin-wire. Unless he charged it so it drained their chakra disabling any- He ducked again. The strategy would have to wait. In the barrage of kunai, kicks, punches and jutsus that followed, he remembered a technique he had heard about from a jounin who had fought Kabuto.

He ran straight at the Sand-nin, ignoring the way his hair caught the light as he moved, reversing the seals for a healing jutsu designed to repair torn muscles. The Sand-nin struck out a fist at him and he took the opportunity to slam his glowing hand onto the inside of his enemy's wrist. He screamed, and in the distraction, Iruka did the same to the other. With the muscles in his hands completely demolished, the Sand-nin could do no jutsus. Iruka watched as his eyes opened wide and he ran back into the forest, his friends following quickly.

"Damn."

He looked around to see Genma nursing a deep wound in his arm.

"How come you got away without a scratch?"

He grinned. "Because I'm amazing."

Genma snorted in response.

**

"When did you become such a good medic?"

Iruka shrugged as he healed a scratch across his friend's toned stomach. He felt the muscles beneath his hand twitch as Genma laughed, and tried hard to resist the urge to run his hands all over the hard body. The tightening of his pants made him wonder why he ever offered to heal him.

"Y'know, I've got a bruise on my arse where I slept on a stone last night. You wouldn't mind healing that would you?" He grinned as Iruka's face ignited.


	29. Chapter 29

Stupid Genma, stupid Sora, stupid damn cock that wouldn't stay down except for when Sora was flirting with him. I was only lunchtime and so far he'd had to excuse himself to 'relieve himself' several times. Stupid Genma had given him a knowing smirk every time. Stupid Genma. Stupid fucking sexy asshole. Asshole who just happened to have a gorgeous body and lovely hair that he wanted to stroke. He glanced at the other man who lay sprawled on the ground on the other side of the clearing. Everything he did seemed to be loaded with innuendo, the way he arched his back when he stretched, tilted his head back to talk to people instead of turning around. He wanted to lick his neck when he did that. It looked so inviting and vulnerable.

"Iruka!"

He mentally shuddered as the screeching voice pierced his eardrums. He saw Genma get up and presumed the call to be food. He pushed himself to his feet and walked slowly over tot he fire, seating himself next to Genma. Taking the first piece of fruit he was offered he bit into it and found it to be pleasantly juicy but not too sweet. He avoided the berries after realizing they were the strawberry flavored ones Kakashi had given him months ago. Kakashi. He hadn't seen Kakashi after that mission, not long enough to exchange greetings anyway. He wondered what would have happened if he hadn't told the other man. Would he be dead by now? Or still wallowing in depression and hiding behind a mask he had worn for years.

"Iruka, you should eat some meat."

He shook his head when Sora waved a piece of rabbit under his nose.

"But it can't be healthy to live off fruit! That's why you're so skinny!"

"Fruit is far healthier than meat." He took a bite of something orange which tasted oddly like kiwi. Green and orange. Gai. It felt like forever since he'd seen the man and a pain formed in his chest as he longed to be back home, watching the sunset with him and comparing their friends in varying degrees of hotness.

"You don't get all the minerals you need from fruit. Meat is very good for keeping a clear complexion too."

"I'm a ninja. I don't give a fuck about my complexion and stop trying to feed me stuff I can't eat!" Fed up, he pushed himself to his feet and stalked off into the surrounding trees.

**

When no one came to find him, he presumed they were going to remain where they were for the time being. Instead of going back to the camp he sat at the top of an old oak tree, looking out over the forest. There was a river which ran down a steep hill several miles away on the horizon. The sun gradually sinking below the wooded horizon comforted him and made him think of home. Of Gai. Suddenly it didn't seem so welcome anymore. He really wished Gai was here, to lay next to and watch the sun set, to talk to, about Genma, about the mission, about Sora. Genma confused him. His hand rose to his face and he traced his fingers along his lips remembering the kiss. Was Genma attracted to him? His actions seemed to say so, his body language. The way he slid up beside him, the way his hand lingered a little too long for comfort on his back. The flirting too. Did he flirt with everyone? Was it just part of his nature, or was it something he did just to him? If Genma did like him, did he like Genma back? His body seemed to think do, but he didn't know what it felt like to want someone. It confused him, the contradicting emotions. He wanted to be around Genma, but just at that moment he wanted to be left alone.

He felt sick.

It was almost like that mission with Kakashi again; hiding up a tree to cut himself. No one would know if he did. Genma's nose was nowhere near as good as Kakashi's and just meybe, it would make the tightening in his chest go away. He'd left the ornate blade at home and instead brought a flick knife that no one would think suspicious. He rolled up his sleeve and looked at the scars; pearly white against his dark skin. The knife edge pressed into his skin. he couldn't. He'd promised Gai he'd stopped. A voice inside his head said that Gai would never need to know. The cuts would be healed by the time they got home. He shifted his arm slightly and the sharp balde caught against one of the raised scars. The sensitive tissue being cut sent a tinge through him. Not enough to stop the pain in his chest. He needed somewhere un-scarred to cut. Nowhere. He pressed the blade into his arm just below his elbow and dragged it quickly across. Still no more than a tingle.

**

The bark of the tree was rough against his back, even through the shirt. He was cold and felt numb. He wanted to cry but the tears wouldn't come. Water dripped off his hair and his clothes stuck to him, chaffing as he moved. He needed to go back to the camp. He couldn't move. The knife fell from his hand, cleaned by the torrential downpour that had forced him back to earth. He should get up, should go, move. He sighed and closed his eyes. He wasn't going anywhere. He'd cut far deeper than he meant to and his body was still shaking both from the lack of blood and the earlier adrenaline rush. For all the enorphines it released, he still felt like crap.

"Iruka?"

Footsteps came closer, steady and light yet not light enough that he didn't want to be heard. Iruka stayed as still as possible.

"Iruka?"

The footsteps sped up. Genma had found him. He couldn't lift his head, just sat staring at the ground. A minute passed in silence as Genma stood before him and he against the tree, still save for the occasional tremor that shook his body. He realized after a moment that he never rolled his sleeves back down. He could feel Genma's eyes on the cuts. the scars, the blood that had run out after he had escaped the rain.

"Can you move?"

He tried to shake his head but he couldn't.

"There are more ways than one to forget. Far more pleasurable ways. Next time you need to forget, come to me. Don't destroy yourself."


	30. Chapter 30

"Come in."

He pushed the door open and stepped into the office, smirking at the print stuck to Tsunade's cheek and the trail of drool down her chin. 

"Ah, Iruka. I heard about your last mission, how long have you been studying medical jutsus for?"

"Um, a few months."

Tsunade hummed distractedly, rummaging around under her desk. A moment later, she emerged with a bottle of sake in one hand and two glasses in the other. She plonked the glasses down onto the table and poured the contents of the bottle into them, shaking it when no more ran out. "Damn," she muttered, casting a henge on the empty bottle to make it look like a screwed up ball of paper. "That was the last bottle. I'll need to get someone to buy me some more." She lobbed the paper ball into the bin across the room.

Iruka laughed. "Perhaps you should just go and buy some yourself. Genma seemed to think you were treating him like a messenger instead of a ninja."

"Yes, well, he shouldn't be so... so... Gah, I'll just get Jiraiya to buy it." She waved her hand dismissively and handed one of the glasses to Iruka who thanked her and took it. "Gai told me you were aspiring to be a medic."

Iruka nodded, unsure of what to say and took a sip of the drink in his hand.

Tsunade looked distractedly out of the window. "Considering you were able to heal Genma and do whatever you did to that nin- What exactly did you do to him?"

"Um, I tore the muscles from his wrists to his hands." He took another sip of sake and watched as the Hokage drained her own in one gulp.

"Hm. Sounds like you certainly have talent. Have you been getting help from anyone, or teaching yourself?"

"I've been teaching myself. Gai quizzed me sometimes on which jutsu I should use in certain situations, and which to heal first out of a group of major injuries. Other than that I've just been reading. Genma's wound was the first serious thing I've healed." He drained the sake in his hand, twirling the empty cup around nervously when Tsunade made no reply.

"You've never had any experience casting high-level medical ninjutsu, yet you managed to reverse a jutsu you had never seen, only heard the seals for and had never used."

"Um, yes." He twitched embarrassedly and moved his weight from foot to foot.

The Hokage looked out of the window into the spitting sky outside. She looked up when Iruka dropped the glass and dived for it, catching it a few inches away from breaking.

"You certainly have talent. Were your parents medic-nins?"

"No. My dad was an ANBU. My mum stopped doing missions when she had me. I don't know if she was a medic-nin in mist, I wasn't old enough to be interested in that sort of stuff. She was just my mum, someone I relied on to be there when I came home, I never wanted to think of her as anything else. I never even knew she was a ninja until-"

Tsunade nodded. "You said your mother came from Mist."

Iruka nodded jerkily.

"Perhaps you have relations there who were adapt at medical-ninjutsus. Do you know what her maiden name was?"

He shook his head.

"Ah well. My parents told me medicine was a waste of time." She stood up sharply and rested her hands on the desk. "You could become a great asset to any team. I would normally suggest we find someone to train you, but I'm rather interested by this, so I will train you."

"Thank you, Hokage-Sama."

Tsunade grinned. "Don't go thanking me yet, not until I'm through with you." She pushed herself off the desk and walked around behind Iruka who turned to follow her. They walked out of the office and all the way down to the basement. It was a large room filled with piles upon piles of books, shelves of scrolls, jars of what looked like soot.

She handed him a large red, leather-bound book, followed by an equally large blue one which she pulled from the bottom of a pile, causing an avalanche which knocked over a soot jar.

"Crap." Instead of cleaning it up, she simply walked across the room and pulled down three scrolls from the shelf there.

"Hokage-sama?"

"Read them. Come back when you're done."


	31. Chapter 31

"Come in Iruka."

He lowered his hand from where he had been about to knock and instead turned the door handle. He bowed to the hokage as he walked in and stood in front of the desk.

"I was just about to send for you. I think you'll be perfect for this mission. It's time you started working with the ANBU."

Iruka raised an eyebrow which went unseen by the hokage who was handing him a scroll. He then noticed the Raven-masked ANBU standing half in the shadows behind the desk. He nodded to the masked nin who inclined his head slightly in return. He took the scroll.

"Information gathering and assassination. I'm going to give you a sedative which will make your target more pliable Iruka. You need to find out who killed the Mizukage's son."

"The Mizukage had a son?"

Tsunade nodded. "The Mizukage probably has many children, he's not exactly faithful to his wife. You will find all the information you need in that scroll. Don't uncap this until you need to use it. It can either be used in the syringe or put into a drink. I would suggest the latter being less suspicious." She handed him a small glass-capped syringe with a faintly pink liquid inside it.

"We will meet at the gates at 2 this afternoon. Dress accordingly." Raven spoke before forming seals at a rate Iruka couldn't see and vanishing without even a ripple in the air.

**

"I feel ridiculous." Iruka complained as they sat in a hotel onsen room together. He twirled in front of the full length mirror, glaring at the snort which came from Raven.

"You look it too. You're going to need a coat if you plan on going out dressed like that."

Iruka scowled as reflection Raven flicked his long hair over his shoulder.

"I can't believe Tsunade would inflict this sort of humiliation on anyone."

"I've seen her make people wear all sorts of things before. She once made Cobra wear a dress and work as a maid."

Iruka snorted and tugged at the leather shorts he looked like he's been poured into. The fishnet shirt barely came down to his navel. "Why do I have to dress like this anyway? What sort of place is the Swinging Rat?"

"A gay strip-club."

Iruka choked on air and turned around, leaning against the mirror as he coughed. "You're not serious?!"

"I am. You're going to have to remove the henge you know. You're target will notice it immediately."

Iruka glared. "How come you don't have to dress like a whore?"

Raven just grinned.

**

"Dammit! This is ridiculous!"

Raven, dressed in blue jeans and a gray t-shirt snorted as Iruka wobbled and fell over, unused to walking in the knee-high, several-inch-heeled boots.

"How come you get to wear ordinary clothes?" He whined for the third time that evening.

"Keep walking. You've got an hour before we leave to get used to walking in them. If you go in there wobbling all over the place your cover will be blown immediately."

Iruka scowled darkly but kept walking up and down the main room.

The scroll rustled as he unfurled it. "Your target is a man named Dragon. No one knows what his real name is, but you don't need it. You need to get out of him who killed the Mizukage's son. No one knows if he's even connected to the murder, all we know is that he was the last person to speak to the boy."

"What was the Mizukage's son doing at a strip club? Surely he would avoid such places. It wouldn't exactly say great things about the Mizukage if anyone found out."

There was a tense silence until Raven said, "perhaps the Mizukage did find out. Perhaps he killed his son so as not to ruin his reputation."

"That's a bit far fetched don't you think?" He spun around on his toe and didn't even wobble as he began to walk back along the length of the room, noticing as he passed the mirror his hips were swaying with every step. Blushing furiously he carried on, making a concious effort to keep his hips from moving.

"Stop that. You look constipated."

"But my hips-"

"Stop it."

"I'm walking like-"

"Stop it."

"But I-"

"Stop-"

"I'M WALKING LIKE A FUCKING GIRL!"

"I noticed. Where have you put that sedative?"

"There's a pocket inside these shorts," He said after opening his mouth with a rude retort on his tongue.

Raven nodded.

**

He resisted the urge to run his hands over his arms, feeling for the scars there, concious of the lack of henge. It was barely lit inside the club so no one was likely to be able to see the scars anyway.

"Hey gorgeous."

Iruka jumped and spun around, hand clamped tightly around his left wrist. He let go quickly when he saw the tall man in front of him. Dragon.

"What's your name?"

"Y-Yamaguci Masaki," he squeaked.

"Can't say I've seen you here before Masaki. I'm Dragon. Judging by the way you jumped there, this is your first time in a strip club, ne?" He leered at Iruka who tried hard not to move away from him. "Perhaps you're not supposed to be here?"

Iruka opened his mouth and immediately found it filled with Dragon's tongue. He pushed down the panic which erupted inside him and kissed back, uncertainly and clumsily. He felt Dragon grab his hand and tug him towards the center of the room. He shook his head.

"I feel rather hot, can we go outside?"

Dragon grinned and changed direction, still holding onto Iruka but this time leading him towards the door. "It must have taken a great deal of courage to be able to come here. You're very shy, but I like that. It makes me want to dominate you." He pushed the door open, dragged Iruka with him and pushed it shut again.

Iruka let himself be led into an alley and pressed against the wall. He'd managed to get the man outside, but the mouth on his neck was proving to be rather distracting. A large hand pinned both of his above him head. Crap, the sedative. How was he supposed to administer it now?

"Masuki. On you knees."

Iruka tried to keep his breathing even as he slid down the wall until he was kneeling, the hard ground quickly beginning to hurt his knees. He tried to stay acting shy rather than panicky, but it was getting harder to keep himself from bolting. He watched the hand which had previously held his hands unzip the fly level with his eyes. He tried not to push the man away as he held his erect member.

"Suck."

He did. For a minute he fell back into the old habit of retreating into his mind as he blew the other man until he remembered the pocket with the syringe in. Using his body to shield the sedative from sight, he pulled it out and placed the glass top on the ground. He held the top near the man's leg and bit down just a little harder than necessary on the erection in his mouth as he quickly emptied the contents of the glass cylinder into the man's body. He sucked harder as he pulled out the syringe, listening to the man swear and fuck his mouth after the pain had subsided. The hands tightening in his hair registered a warning seconds before warm seed filled his mouth. He swallowed automatically and waited for the man to slide down onto the floor.

A few minutes later he felt Raven's hand on his shoulder and looked up to see Dragon bound against the other wall.

"'M gunna be sick," he muttered before jumping to his feet.


	32. Chapter 32

"Hokage-sama."

Tsunade lifted her head from the book it had been on to greet the ANBU. She took the report he handed to her. "Is there anything else?" She sounded groggy and her eyes were half closed.

"I would like to recommend Iruka for ANBU."

Tsunade's hand slipped out from under her chin. "You what? On what grounds? He only just became a jounin!"

_"You alright now?"_

_Iruka nodded. "Yea, just don't really like having things shoved down my throat."_

_Raven copied the short nod and took the rabbit Iruka handed him. "Only one?"_

_"I don't eat meat. Only fish and fruit."_

_He raised an eyebrow but didn't comment further. It was certainly unusual to find a ninja that didn't eat meat, but he supposed that the man had been a teacher for so long he could afford to be picky. He skewered the rabbit and hung it on his makeshift spit. "What do you do on missions when all you have is meat?"_

_"I just don't eat."_

_"But wouldn't you get really hungry?"_

_"Yes, but not enough to impair my judgment or anything."_

_"Never met a ninja as picky as you before."_

_"I'm not picky! I'm just not going to eat something that makes me sick. And you've obviously never met Naruto if you think I'm picky. He lives off ramen."_

_Raven went back to the rabbit, thinking it unwise to tell the jounin he was acting like a girl._

_They ate in silence, Iruka munching on the only berries he could find, which turned out to be the strawberry flavoured ones he hated. The wind was beginning to pick up and the sun had long since dipped below the horizon. The moon was nowhere to be seen meaning their rather feeble campfire was the only source of light._

_When the first spots of rain hit Iruka he thought nothing of it. Those few spots, however, soon became a torrential downpour, soaking them instantly and extinguishing the fire, plunging them into darkness. He heard a choked scream from where Raven had been sitting seconds before a pair of hands wrapped around his neck, fingers pressing hard against his windpipe. He heard a chink of metal and felt his hands being locked together._

_"They're both secured."_

_There was a whoosh sort of noise and the battering rain stopped, the fire lit and he could see Raven bound on the other side of the clearing. He felt the genjutsu fade away, revealing two men, one standing over Raven, the other hovering somewhere behind him. He tried to gather chakra to break through the bonds on his wrists. For a second nothing happened, then it began to feel as though his energy was being sucked into the metal cuffs. The more he tried the weaker he became. A cruel laugh sounded somewhere above his head._

_"I see you've realized what those cuffs do now. An excellent invention, I'm rather proud of them myself. The more chakra you put into getting them off, the more they drain you. Eventually you'll die. There's no way you or your little friend here can get them off. Not without dying anyway."_

_Iruka felt the presence behind him dim._

_"There's quite a price on the head of an ANBU you know."_

_He tried to move, to get away from the fast returning signature of the other man. The kick to his side caught him unaware and his body channeled chakra to heal the ribs he knew had cracked. As soon as he felt his body collect the chakra he tried to prevent it, tried to push it back inside himself. There was a faint crack and the pain in his side lessened. The bone was healed. Surprised he wondered if the restraints were holding. He stopped his experiment immediately when he felt his chakra being drawn forcefully from his body. 'No,' he grinned mentally. 'They weren't very well made at all.'_

_Raven coughed and Iruka looked up to see the ANBU be pushed into the ground. He evidently hadn't figured out the restraints' weakness. Pushing chakra into his feet he ran across the short distance between him and the two men. One went down with a kick to the head, the concentrated chakra frying his brain upon impact._

_"I see we underestimated your little friend here." The second man kicked Raven hard in the stomach causing him to fall back against the tree, blood oozing from his mouth._

_Iruka saw the blur of hand signs and heard the shout of a jutsu he didn't recognize. A second later he found himself looking into the mouth of a massive muddy cave. He saw the sadistic grin of his captor before everything went dark._

_"Crap."_

_The mud solidified before his eyes, not that he could see it. He placed a hand upon the wall and pushed. Nothing happened. Channeling chakra into his foot as before he kicked it hard. All the energy drained from him the moment he made contact. He was sure he could hear the nin outside laughing at him. 'This must have been where the inspiration came from for the cuffs,' he mused. "Then just like the cuffs there must be a weak point." He looked up. Of course the top seem a perfect spot... Only he couldn't reach it and couldn't even see how high up it was. He growled and flopped down onto the floor. The floor. With his hands tied behind his back he automatically lent on them. He could feel the cracks in the floor. The floor was this jutsu's weakness! He stood up as fast as he could without falling over, being unable to catch himself if he did so. He now realized he couldn't feel the cracks anymore. A growl of annoyance sounded from his chest as he sat down once more. He then discovered, much to his displeasure, his foot had been directly over the hole in the first place._

_As soon as he was standing again he forced the chakra through his body into the crack below him. It crunched and widened, He pushed more into it and it gave way, a deep hole opening in the ground. It stretched from the center of the dome to one side where he could not see the daylight. A little more persuasion and it was large enough to wiggle out of._

_The enemy-nin was completely off guard, believing to have Iruka trapped. It suited him just fine. A swift kick to the head and he was writing on the ground, his brain slowly demolishing itself._

"Iruka's power has been severely underestimated I feel. Perhaps not his physical power as much as his mental power. I admit when I was trapped I panicked, but amazingly, he did not. I would like to recommend him for ANBU."

The Hokage looked up from where she had been staring unseeingly at the desk. "You think he's ready for it?"

"Certain."


	33. Chapter 33

"Here."

He took the offered scroll and unrolled it. He read through it quickly and raised an eyebrow towards the Hokage. "You're sending me out to do this on my own?"

Tsunade nodded.

"But why-"

"There's no one available at this moment in time to assist you. It would be best if you went now."

He nodded in resignation and re-rolled the scroll, tucking it into his jacket pocket.

**

Iruka almost growled as the light began to become so dim he could not read by it. He had the general gist of it through: Get in, get a scroll, rescue and ANBU and don't kill anyone, only disarm. The tree bark was beginning to dig into his back and he decided it was time to go. Leaping across several trees he landed on one close to the entrance to the fortress. The guards were dressed all in dark clothes and carried large swords. He could see the bulges where weapons were obviously hidden as well. He took a pair of senbon from the holster on his thigh and, remembering seeing Genma do it once, slid the first into his mouth. Using his chakra to guide it, he spat it straight at the guard's neck. Without waiting to see if it had hit, he repeated the action with the second. They both dropped to the ground, with all the appearance of being dead. In reality they were only knocked out for a few hours. Hopefully that was all he would need.

He found the scroll easily; it wasn't very heavily guarded at all, and a few more senbon had it in his possession in no time. The ANBU was going to be the hard part he decided. True to his prediction, the ANBU was trapped in a cell deep underground which had taken well over an hour to find. He only hoped he could get out faster than he got in. Hours he did not have, not unless he wanted to greet the guards again. What he hadn't been expecting was the captive to be none other than Raven. His inky hair was disheveled and his complexion flushed and sweaty. Iruka thought his arm looked broken but didn't want to investigate any further. He wouldn't be able to heal it anyway, not after fighting off the dozens of guards he had come across in his search for the man.

"Raven?"

When no answer came he put his hand on the cage door only to draw it back fast, biting down the yelp of pain. Rubbing his hand gingerly he picked up a senbon and prodded at the bars with it. Whatever they were charged with, metal didn't conduct it. He, however, could channel chakra through it. Placing the end of the senbon into the keyhole he did just that, destroying the locking mechanism and causing the door to open with a loud creak. He froze. Had anyone heard? When no footsteps of shouts reached his ears, he concluded that, somehow, the sound hadn't reached that far. When he reached to open the door some more, he discovered it was still charged. He looked down at the senbon still in his hand and used it to push open the, now thankfully silent, door. Raven was difficult to maneuver in the small space. Iruka almost growled when the man's body flopped again, refusing to stay on his back. Eventually he managed to get him secure, tied firmly to him with nin-wire.

Several times on the way out he had to stop and re-tighten the wire or make sure the man's head didn't bump anything. When he finally made it outside, he was tempted to flop into the grass and sleep. Instead he began the long walk back to the village.


	34. Chapter 34

"I'd better be getting a good amount of money from that. Do you have any idea how hard it is to walk up a staircase with an unconscious body attached to your back?"

Tsunade raised an eyebrow. "No, but I can imagine. I noticed you haven't healed him."

"My chakra was already depleted from disarming dozens of enemies. I didn't want to risk my levels becoming so low that I became vulnerable as well as the hostage."

"Excellent reasoning. Unfortunately, you're not getting any pay for it."

"WHAT?? How come?"

"We had to test you without you becoming suspicious."

Iruka spun around to see Raven leaning against the door frame looking a little tired, but fine otherwise.

"Test me?" He turned back to Tsunade "What's going on?"

"Welcome to ANBU Iruka."

"You passed with flying colours."

"ANBU? Flying colours? What?"

Tsunade sighed. "That 'mission' I just sent you on was a test to see whether or not you would be suitable ANBU material. That's one of the reasons I told you not to kill anyone."

Iruka glared. He'd just done one of the most awful missions in his life and he wasn't getting paid. They hadn't even asked him first, just dumped this test upon him. He growled.

"Well, unless you have any objections, we need to get you kitted up."

He nodded, following the Hokage's fast pace from the room. Once again he found himself in the basement, and after another three flights of steps, each hidden by a genjutsu, he finally found himself in a dark storage room. There was a click and the room was suddenly flooded with light. The previously hunched shapes turned out to be cupboards spilling open with scrolls, blank and patterned masks, spare uniforms, guards and shining swords. He watched as Tsunade walked over to a closed cupboard and pulled it open, chucking a sleeveless turtleneck at him.

"Put that on."

He caught the black top and looked around for some privacy to change in. When he saw none, he sighed and simply turned around before slipping off his jacket and shirt. He turned back to the Hokage, turtleneck in place and a barely noticeable henge on his arms.

Tsunade, of course, noticed it at once, but chose not to comment. If the jounin wanted to wear a henge for whatever reason that really wasn't her business. Jounin soon to be ANBU she corrected herself. The material clung to Iruka's so tightly she could see every rib and the way his stomach was concave rather than flat like most shinobi's. She made a mental note to talk to him about eating healthily later. She nodded at Iruka and pulled a pair of gloves from then cupboard she stood by. She threw them at Iruka who caught them easily and pulled them on, the shimmer of the henge vanishing as soon as his arms were covered. A spark of curiosity went off in her head. Why was Iruka so concious of his arms?

He felt ridiculous. Ridiculous and drained. Trying to hold up a henge whilst exhausted was really not a good idea he decided. He was, however, thankful for the high neck on the shirt and the long gloves. The scars on his neck were still fresh and looked raw, unmistakable self-inflicted. He was glad he hadn't cut his shoulders now. The gloves covered the whole length of his arms, save his shoulders and a few inches of his upper arms. He caught the trousers the Hokage flung at him. Turning around again he changed into the tight material, the henge he held up for the few seconds his legs were bare drained him even further. When he finally managed to wiggle into them he heard a cough behind him.

"You won't be able to wear your boxers under them. We realized that very early on. Any sort of underwear causes severe panty-lines."

Iruka just stared at the ANBU in disbelief, he had known the pants were tight, but he hadn't realized they were that tight. "I'll remember that next time."

The arms guards and armor went of without fuss and Tsunade produced a dolphin mask from nowhere, handing it over to him with a grin. Iruka wondered how long she'd been planning this.

"What sort of length of sword are you most comfortable with?"

"Um, I have a sword I'm familiar with couldn't I just use that?"

"Mm, what type of blade is it?"

"It's my dad's old ANBU sword."

Tsunade nodded. "I've put you in a squad with Raven here and Cat who will be coming down sometime around now."

Just as she spoke, the door opened and in stepped the cat-masked ninja.

"Cat-san!"

"Hello again."

Tsunade raised an eyebrow at Iruka. "You know each other?"

"I sewed him back together when he refused to go to the hospital."

Tsunade nodded. "I'll leave you three to get acquainted." She turned around and walked out of the store room, turning around as she reached the door. "Oh, and if you don't have the scabbard, you'll have to find a spare one." She closed to door behind her.

There was a tense silence before Cat sat down on the floor, closely followed by Raven. When Iruka realized he was the only one left standing he sat down quickly.

"Why don't you start." Raven said to Iruka. "Just tell us your name, and whatever."

"Um, my name's Iruka, I'm evidently Dolphin," he ignored Cat's snort of 'that was subtle' "I'm 25 and have no idea why I'm joining ANBU."

"You're joining because I recommended you to Tsunade. I'm Ayame, you know me as Raven. I'm 31 and have been in ANBU for the last 5 years."

"I'm Tenzou, 27, been in ANBU for 6 years. I'm the squad leader."


	35. Chapter 35

There was a bright streak across the sky, followed by a giggle.

"Make a wish Gai!"

The only response he got was a snort.

"It's been ages since we did this," Gai said to the starry sky, not bothering to turn his head.

"Mm, not since before then jounin exams. I never fully appreciated how hectic a jounin's life is until now. Especially with all the books Tsunade keeps giving me! I'm hardly getting any sleep some nights."

Gai laughed. "I never appreciated how hard it is to be a pre-genin sensei until someone asked me to be a substitute for a day."

"Which class did you get?"

"Your one. Is it usual for Konohamaru to make over a dozen attempts at escaping?"

Iruka laughed and the companionable silence they had both missed fell over them. He had to admit, this was what he had missed most when he was away from the village. Just laying here with Gai, watching the sunset and the stars fly across the sky making-

"I told Kakashi."

Iruka tried to catch up with what Gai had said but failed rather miserably. "Sorry?"

"I told Kakashi I love him."

Iruka sat up so he could see Gai's face. "Fuck, what did he say?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing?"

"Not to start with anyway. He just looked at me and then did his whole 'did you say something.' When I tried to tell him I was being serious he just stuck his nose back into Icha Icha and told me to get lost." He sniffed.

Iruka's first instinct was to wrap his arms around the man and hug him, but seeing as he was laying down that didn't really seem an option. Instead he just threw an arm over the other man and rested his head on the firm chest. He wanted to say something comforting, but having never been in this situation before, he couldn't really think of anything.

"He'll probably never talk to me again now."

"Gai, you don't need him. It may seem like you do but you don't. You could have anyone, you don't need someone who's going to brush you off without even listening to you."

Gai sniffed again and put an arm around Iruka's waist. They stayed like that for several minutes, Iruka being almost lulled to sleep by the beating of Gai's heart until he was spoken to.

"Anything interesting happen to you?"

"I decided I'm gay, and I joined ANBU this afternoon."

"You did what?"

"I joined ANBU."

"But you only just became a jounin!"

"That's what I said, but I went on a mission with Raven and we got attacked and he decided I have skills useful in ANBU. Stupidly ridiculous entrance exam though. And I didn't even get paid to do it. I did however, master the art of spitting senbon needles into people's necks."

Gai snorted. "You're so obsessed with Genma you're turning into him."

Iruka thumped the jounin's chest. "I am not turning into Genma. He's a fucking pervert! Do you see me getting off with everything with two legs?"

They looked at each other for a second before bursting out laughing.

When he managed to calm down, Gai asked the ANBU, "who are you on a squad with?"

"Raven and that fucking cat-nin!"

This time it was only Gai laughing.

**

His arm was beginning to ache from the position he was holding it in, blocking the bright moonlight spilling through the window. Despite all the times he'd told himself he was going to get some curtains he never had. He was reminded somewhat of the first time he'd seen the cat-nin, leaping across the trees, perching in the one a few yards from his window.

"Stupid cat! Can't leave me in peace. Now he has to torment me on missions."

He couldn't sleep. He'd been laying in exactly the same position for three hours. The alarm clock read 2:31 and with a sigh he crawled out of bed. There was no way he'd get to sleep. He was far too tense. He thought about the ornate knife under his pillow but just as he was searching for it he remembered Genma's offer. He pulled on his uniform and left the apartment.

**

"Ruka? Whasup? It's 20 to 3!" Genma invited him inside, dressed only in his boxers and rubbing sleep from his eyes.

"I couldn't sleep and well you said if I ever... I could come to you and, well, yea." He ended rather lamely, not quite sure how to phrase what he was asking for, not indeed what he was asking for.

Genma blinked and few times before a grin split his face. He nodded and took Iruka's hand, leading him towards his bedroom.


	36. Chapter 36

"Ruka? There's a messenger here for you."

Iruka nodded sleepily and rolled out of bed, wondering why the sun wasn't shining. It was obviously going to rain today. He stumbled across the room, wincing at the pain in his lower back. He must have slept wrong. His hand was on the door handle when he heard the voice again.

"You might want to put on some clothes before you go out there."

He looked down. He was naked. Why was he naked? Then everything came flooding back and he turned away from Genma to pick up the boxers he'd shed and pull them on, his face a deep shade of scarlet.

"You ok?"

Iruka nodded and then shivered as Genma licked over the freshly tattooed ANBU sign on his shoulder.

"Nng! Genma let go! I have to go see this messenger." He managed to detach the jounin and made his way into the main room.

There was a young chuunin standing awkwardly beside the kitchen door, a scroll in his hands which spun it around in a fit of nerves. He caught sight of Iruka and grinned before noticing the ANBU was in his boxers.

Iruka smirked as the grin fled from the young man's face and his cheeks turned red. He took the scroll from the twitching hands and thanked him.

"T-the Hokake w-would like to see you at the earliest p-possible time please."

Iruka heard Genma's laugh from the bedroom doorway as the chuunin fled. He turned around and scowled at the jounin lounging on the door frame.

He raised an eyebrow as the brunette held up a small hand mirror. He instantly realized why the chuunin hadn't been able to keep his eyes off his neck. It looked like his natural skin colour included purple bruises. And bite marks. "Genma! Did you have to fucking bite me?"

The jounin grinned, sauntering back into his bedroom.

**

Dressed in his ANBU uniform, thankful for the high neck and mask which hid his flush and the cause of it, Iruka appeared in the Hokage's office. A moment later Raven and Cat appeared either side of him.

"Did you get attacked Iruka?"

He looked blankly at the Hokage for a second before glancing at the only part of his body left uncovered. There was a dark hickey on the spot between his shoulder and his collar bone and several deep scratch marks running down from the bottom of the ANBU mark under his glove. He ignored her.

Tsunade's grin fell off her face when she realized Iruka wasn't going to be any fun. "S rank mission, destroy a group of nuke-nin who are plotting to invade the village. I expect you back here by dawn tomorrow." She threw a scroll to Tenzou who caught it easily and unfurled it.

"We meet at the gates in 10 minutes. Bring something you can eat whilst moving. You," he looked pointedly at Iruka. "Need to eat something other than ration bars. Also bring something to put water in. There's going to be a river or water source near their camp."

10 minutes later found the three nin standing just outside the massive gates, their masks firmly in place and their swords strapped to their backs.

"They're about 2 miles away from the village wall. There's 10 of them, two low level but very strategic, the others somewhere between high chuunin low jounin level. They had a lot of traps and are very well hidden according to our informant. We should observe them until dark and then dispose of them quickly and silently during the night. We must be back at the Hokage tower by dawn at the latest. She will be waiting for us." He wound the red scarf closer to his neck so that it wouldn't snag of any tree branches as they were running. He nodded and leapt off into the semi-dark forest, his squad following closely behind him.

They continued in silence for an hour, running silently through the foliage until Cat stuck his arm out, indicating for them to stop, and came to rest on a high branch. The setting sun was shining through an opening in the canopy and far below them it was glinting off hundreds of nin-wires spread across the floor. Directly ahead of them was an exploding tag attached to the bark of a thick tree.

"There's another one there, there and there." Said Raven, pointing out the other three in the trap formation.

"We'll have to go around it then." Cat muttered before leaping sideways onto an adjacent tree.

"Don't go that way, there's a genjutsu around it." Iruka resisted the urge to shout after the commander but sighed in relief as he nodded and went the other way around the trap. The genjutstu left a strange tingle in his senses that he couldn't shake off, but couldn't work out what it was.

The closer they got to the two mile point, the more traps they avoided both narrowly and with a wide berth. They finally stopped on a large dead bough and looked around.

"We're almost two miles from the village. I don't see anything to indicate a camp though."

The strange tingle erupted in his body again. "There's something over there. It feels almost like the genjutsu we passed a while back."

Cat nodded and they made their way cautiously over to where Iruka had sensed the presence. A thin coil of smoke rose up into the trees as they looked down into the camp. It looked as though it had been there for quite some time.

"It's him," Iruka pointed to the long-haired red-head who was sharpening a pile of kunai a little way from the fire. "He's the one who set up the genjutsu. It must have been his chakra signature I was sensing."

Raven looked at the dolphin-masked man. "That's a really good skill to have. You sound surprised though."

"Well I never noticed it before now."

"Because your body wasn't ready to unlock it's full potential. You weren't powerful enough previously."

They both turned to look at Cat who was still staring into the camp.

"We have about an hour of light left. We need to observe them as fully as we can in that time. As soon as the dark falls we go in."

**

"Eww!" Iruka whined as he tried to wipe the blood off himself. They hadn't been as unprepared as they had expected and a fully fledged battle had broken out. He glanced over at Cat and Raven who were dispatching the last nin and piling their bodies. He glanced down at the corpse by his feet and wondered if he was strong enough to lift it, let alone carry it across the camp. He bent down and heaved the man onto his shoulder, staggering a little under the dead weight and manage to add him to the rapidly growing mountain of death.

Raven's fingers flashed through hand signs and lit the pile as soon as all ten were dead and accounted for. They left it burning and made their way back to Tsunade's office with two hours left until dawn.

"How did you manage to stay so clean?" He asked as Raven went to wake the snoring blonde.

"Practice." Came Cat's monotonous reply.

"You stand well back when the head goes flying." Suggested Raven as he caught Tsunade's half hearted attempt to punch his head in.

**

"Dolphin, I'd like to apologize."

"Huh?"

Raven snorted, clapped a hand onto Cat's shoulder and vanished.

"Eloquent." He took off the mask and Iruka found himself staring into dark eyes. "I said I would like to apologize. I should not have said the things I did. I apologize."

"Uh, don't worry. I forgive you."

Tenzou smiled and Iruka was sure his heart skipped a few beats. It was the first time he'd seen and emotion in the other man's face but the sight was amazing.

"You make a fine ANBU Iruka." He slipped the mask back on and vanished.

Iruka stood for a few moments staring blankly at where the ANBU had been. 'OMIGOD! He said my name!' Inner Iruka screamed. He decided, as he formed the hand seals, that Tenzou had the nicest voice he had even heard. He followed his squad's example and vanished back to his apartment.


	37. Chapter 37

"I think I'm in love Gai."

"With who?"

"Cat-san."

"Cat? I thought you were infatuated with Genma."

"We slept together. Once. That's all."

"When did you decide you were in love with Cat?" Gai lent back against the tree, looking down at the small ANBU whose head was resting in his lap.

"When he smiled at me. He has the most beautiful smile, and his eyes are so dark it feels like they're looking straight through into my soul and his voice is like melted chocolate."

Gai snorted. "That's a strange way to describe someone's voice. Though I suppose you always were a sappy romantic at heart."

Iruka half-heartedly him in the stomach

"Oh, you wound me."

"Did I?" The glazed look vanished from Iruka's eyes and he looked horrified.

"No, I was just kidding you." He ruffled the ANBU's loose hair and got a glare in return. "Just be careful."

Iruka raised an eyebrow.

"You barely know each other. You should tread carefully until you know more about him."

"I know he has no sense of humor!"

**

"What?" Iruka's head snapped up and he found himself staring into the painted cat mask.

"I said you seem awfully distracted."

"Oh." He averted his gaze, even though he knew Cat couldn't see his scarlet cheeks.

"Do you want to tell me what it is? It#s affecting your work, you almost got yourself killed back there."

It was true. If cat hadn't jumped in he would have got a katana through his gut.

"If you're a danger to yourself, you're a danger to us as well. You're a part of my squad Iruka, and it's my job to see that my squad is functioning properly, and quite bluntly we're not and it's because of whatever is on your mind that we're not. So talk to me please, I want to help."

Iruka shook his head. He couldn't. He'd told Gai he'd get to know the cat-masked nin first but he still knew no more about the man than he found out at their first meeting.

Tenzou sighed. He didn't know what was going through the man's head but whatever it was was going to get them all killed. Being nice to him wasn't something that was going to work with this man. He resisted the urge to pinch his nose.

"Dolphin, you will either tell me or Raven what is wrong with you, or you can go tell the Hokage what's going through that head of yours because quite frankly you're going to get us all killed!"

Iruka stared at his feet. He didn't want to tell him, but he didn't want to get them killed either. He took a deep breath and sighed. "Iloveyou."

Tenzou blinked. He wasn't sure what Iruka had said, but he didn't think it was anything he had been expecting. "Pardon?"

"I love you." He was surprised at how much effort it took to say it. They were only three small words, but they could change his life.

"Ruka."

He looked up just as the mask was removed from his face and a pair of rough lips locked on his. His eyes opened wide and he met the familiar dark orbs staring straight back at him. A wet tongue swept across the seam of his lips and he opened his mouth slightly, allowing Tenzou entrance. A coiling heat settled in his stomach, furthered by the hand around his half-hard cock. He moaned into the man's mouth and tore himself away to gulp down air in case he passed out.

**

A hand clamped over his mouth as he screamed, orgasm tearing through him, leaving him in a boneless heap on the ground. He felt Tenzou's final hard thrust and an explosion of warmth inside him before the man withdrew and collapsed down next to him. He yawned visibly and tried to summon the energy to cover his mouth.

"Go to sleep. I'll get Ayame to cover watch. I'll take second, you can have third." He kissed Iruka gently before pulling on his uniform and heading over to the dark haired man sleeping halfway up a tree.

Iruka hauled himself across the forest floor and wiggled into his sleeping bag, too tired to move it from where it lay next to the fire. His last thought before he succumbed to sleep was that he was going to really need a shower when he got up.

**

Iruka scrabbled to find purchase on the cracked wall of the alley he was so ruthlessly being fucked into, a hand over his mouth to stop his screams escaping. He felt Tenzou's hand close around his cock, jerking it in time with the hard thrusts.

"Fuck Ru!"

Iruka felt the hand around his cock tighten and he came, his scream of completion muffled. He felt Tenzou still and groan, and the now familiar warmth spreading inside him. He whimpered as Tenzou pulled out, removing his hands and tugging his pants back into place.

"Go home, whore." He pulled the mission report from under his armor."

"What?" Iruka slid down the wall, still feeling the effects of his orgasm and the strangely pleasant sensation of cum oozing out of him.

"I said go home whore, I need to hand in this report."

Iruka sat there in shock.

"Do you not understand slut? You may be in love with me, but I have a girlfriend here in the village. You mean nothing to me Iruka. You have a nice arse, that's all."


	38. Chapter 38

His arms stung so much and his head was spinning. He wasn't sure how much more blood he had left in him anymore, but it was enough he decided. The sharp edge of the kunai meet his flesh once more and he slid down the bark of the tree he'd been leaning against. He should have gone home. Gone home where no one could find him, gone home where he could-

"ANBU-san?"

His head jerked up and his whole body automatically went into defense. He saw a girl with her hair tied up into buns looking down at him. He knew her from somewhere, but wasn't sure where. Perhaps she was one of his students?

"'M fine." He pulled up the glove which covered the cuts and strapped the arm guard back on, hissing as it tightened around the sore flesh.

"You should really go to the hospital, get those stitched."

Iruka shook his head and the young girl glared at him. De-ja-vu. He'd done this once before. Only now the roles were reversed, now he was the ANBU being told off by someone of a lower status. Tenzou. He'd done this to Tenzou. A tear ran down his cheek, caught on the bottom edge of his mask and dripped down onto his armor. He'd trusted him-

"Tenten? Have you lost your way?"

Iruka looked up to see the girl glaring at someone off to her left. He followed her gaze and saw the green-clad man he'd been searching for before he gave into temptation. "Gai!" He jumped up and grabbed onto the tree with his right hand, his left arm still bleeding. He knew without looking the blood had soaked through his uniform. There was a hand on his arm and Gai was beside him, pulling off the guard and sliding down his glove. He heard the intake of breath when his arm was fully exposed.

"What happened?"

"Tenzou."

"Tenzou?"

"Cat. You were right. I should've been more careful."

Gai sighed and reached up to remove the painted dolphin mask. They both ignored the surprised outburst of "Iruka-sensei!" He wiped the tears off Iruka's cheeks and pulled him into a hug. He felt Iruka hug him back and ignored the feeling of blood soaking through his clothing.

"He said I was too distracted, that I was a danger to the entire squad. So I told him and he fucked me, then told me I was nothing, that he had a girlfriend. He's just like Mizuki! Why do I have to fall in love with people who just want to manipulate me?" He let the tears come this time, burying his face in Gai's firm chest. He felt safe enough to let go of the cold facade around Gai.

**

"Um, hey." He stood back to let the ANBU into his apartment. He shut the door and turned around to find the dolphin-masked nin standing in the middle of his main room.

Iruka sniffed, trying to stop the tears that had been coming non-stop for half an hour. "Gen?"

Genma's eyes widened as he looked at the small man. "Iruka?" His suspicions were confirmed as the mask was removed to reveal the tan man he knew. The tears streaked down his cheeks were not something he was accustomed to seeing though. "Ru, what's wrong?"

Iruka shook his head. He couldn't tell Genma. Not right now. Right now he just needed to forget. "Gen? Fuck me, please. I don't want to remember anymore."


	39. Chapter 39

The moon was faint through the curtains of Genma's window. The room was lit by a lamp on Iruka's side of the bed he hadn't yet gained the strength to turn off. Genma had been true to his promise; he had made him forget, not for long, but he had forgotten long enough he could clear his head and see he didn't need the bastard. He knew that however many bastards he fell in love with, Genma would be there to clear his head. Genma and Gai. The only two constant people in his life. He had thought Kakashi might have helped him somewhat, but the man had begun his healing and left. He was right, he had needed to let out everything. Perhaps he had done the most. Gai had been there ever since they met that night, even now it was his awareness of Gai that stopped him breaking down. It was Gai that had bandaged him up and held him as he cried. It was Gai who looked after him after his suicide attempt. It was Gai who left him with a warm fuzzy feeling inside him. It was Gai he couldn't live without, Gai who had saved his life, Gai who stopped him going insane. It was Gai's bed he wished he was laying in. Gai's bed. The thought left a hot trail from his heart to his groin. Thinking of anyone else didn't do this to him. He turned his head and saw Genma's handsome face relaxed and stress free. Genma was gorgeous, but he didn't leave that warm tingle that spread throughout his entire body. Tenzou didn't either. He realized he didn't feel anything for the cat-masked nin after all, it was only lust and the man's dark eyes. Eyes that were just as dark and powerful as Gai's. He was stupid to think he was in love with the man, stupid to think that love could develop in a matter of weeks. Love. Such a simple word yet one with so many meanings and depths. Love was so complex it could blind people and render then insane. Love. Was that what these tingles were? Love? Was that what he felt for Gai? He sighed. Even if he did love Gai, the other man was in love with Kakashi. He'd end up rejected just like Gad had been. The heat coiling in his stomach rose like a snake and nausea swept over him at the thought of loosing Gai. Yes, he did love him. For how long he didn't know. How many times had be lain under the stars with the spandex-clad jounin, unaware of the part of his brain silently urging him to confess? Every touch had made him feel warm inside-

"Ruka, you're thinking too much. You've gone all tense. The idea was for you to relax." He sat up and picked up the glass of water sitting next to him. "Want to tell me what's on your mind?"

"I think I'm in love with Gai."

Genma choked, coughing into his hand as he put the glass down with a thud. "You what?"

"I think I'm in love with Gai."

"Sheesh. You really are blunt. Didn't see that coming." He picked up the glass again and drained it. "Any reason why you think that?"

"I don- I- It's just that- Whenever I'm with him I feel warm."

"Warm?"

"Yea, like- like protected. Like when kids hide under their blankets because it makes them feel safe. He always made me feel like that, ever since I met him. I guess it's because he's so strong, actually physically strong, you can feel it-" He broke off at the strange look Genma was giving him. "Yea, he makes me feel safe and every time he touches me it makes me feel so, so," he waved his arm frantically, trying to emphasize his point.

"Complete. Like you mean something."

"Yes! Just like that. How did you know?"

"Because I'm in love with a man who means the world to me but is so fucking dense and would never want me anyway."

Iruka stared at his friend who looked like someone had told him his whole family had been killed. "Who?" He asked hesitantly.

Genma sighed and drew his knees up to his chin. "Raidou."

 _A man who means the world to me._ Did Gai mean the world to him? Yes, he did. He couldn't imagine living without him. He wondered why he never saw it before, just as Genma began to cry.


	40. Chapter 40

Iruka walked out of the Hokage tower holding a pile of books and heading towards his apartment. It had been three days since he had realized he was in love with Gai. Three days of mental agony over whether he had any chance or if he was simply wasting his time. If he told him would he be rejected like Gai was by Kakashi? His chest tightened at the thought of Gai rejecting him and he pushed it down, leaping quickly home over the rooftops, the books safely in his arms. The closer he got to his home, the more nervous he got. He was going to see Gai that night. Neither of them had missions, so they were free to meet up. They'd given up sparring a long time ago, safe in the knowledge that if Iruka could dodge Gai's fist, he could avoid just about anything. He'd never thought about it before, but their spot under the stars was really romantic. They were like lovers meeting at night to avoid their parents who strove to keep them apart. He snorted. Gai was right, he really was romantic, but in a sad sappy sort of way. He stopped and looked back over his shoulder. He'd just passed his apartment. He cursed himself for being so distracted and turned around only to find himself face to face with a silver-haired jounin.

"Yo."

Iruka took a step back and blinked. "Uh, hi." He avoided looking Kakashi in the eye as he felt the gaze boring into him. Kakashi said nothing in response and the awkward silence dragged on. Eventually he spoke again. "Was there something you wanted?"

"Oh no."

Iruka looked up in time to see Kakashi's visible eye curve into a grin. 

"I just wanted to see how a certain dolphin was doing."

Iruka glared. His life was just peachy; been mentally abused by his commander, bled on the man he was in love with: the man this silver-haired bastard had hurt. "I'm not talking to you." He pushed past Kakashi and headed back towards his apartment. He knwe he was being childish, but he couldn't help it.

"Iruka?"

He ignored him until a hand landed on his shoulder.

"What did I do?"

Iruka glared at him. "You didn't even give him a chance."

"What's he been saying about me this time? You know Naruto's always comp-"

"This isn't about Naruto!"

Kakashi actually looked stunned. "It isn't?" He couldn't think of anyone else the jounin would stand up for with so much passion. "Genma then?" He knew they were close.

Iruka shook his head. "I've never seen him so upset than when he came back from talking to you."

Kakashi was, for the first time in years, truly stumped. It evidently showed as Iruka yelled at him a moment later.

"Gai!"

"You know Gai?"

"Gai's the reason I'm still alive! You could at least have listened to what he wanted to say than just brushing him off like that!"

"I-"

"No you didn't. He told me what you did. You honestly have no social skills do you."

**

"Stupid last-minute missions!" Iruka landed next to Gai, still in his ANBU pants and shirt with a jacket over the top to ward the chill off his bare arms.

"I did wonder why you weren't here."

"Yea, well, I had to go home and get my armor off. I think I have blood in my hair!"

"No one's going to see it out here."

Iruka wished for his mask as his cheeks turned a violent shade of pink. Gai had forgone his usual green and was dressed in a pair of close-fitting jeans and a tight t-shirt. Every muscle in his body could be seen and Iruka wanted so badly to run his hands over them. Instead he flopped down onto the grass, trying to act as normal as possible.

Gai snorted. "I thought ANBU were supposed to be elegant."

"Shut up!" Laying next to Gai he could feel the heat the man gave off and smell the scent of trees which hung around him. He shivered slightly thinking of how hot Gai's body would be naked next to his own.

"You cold?" Without waiting for an answer, Gai shifted over and pulled Iruka closer to him until their bodies were touching. "You should have put on something warmer."

Iruka could feel his heart racing in his chest and the heat of his flesh spreading over his face. Gai's arms around his surrounded him with warmth and he rested his head on the man's shoulder, his nose on his neck. He breathed in and his senses wer overwhelmed with the scent that was purely Gai. He tried to keep his hips away from Gai's body, his swiftly rising cock very visible in the tight pants. 'Damn' he cursed silently burying his face in Gai's neck. His body which hadn't been exceptionally cold to begin with with now began to overheat. The flush on his cheeks became more intense and he fought the urge to rub himself against the jean-clad leg so temptingly close to where he needed it most.

Gai looked down at the ANBU curled up next to him. Next to his wasn't quite right he decided as the man was almost on top of him. He could feel his hot breath on his neck and see quite clearly the tent in his pants he was trying to hide. "How was your mission?" He asked the ANBU, trying to distract himself from the sudden urge to molest the other man.

"Huh?" Iruka's mind was pulled back sharply from his dirty thoughts.

"I asked how your mission went."

"Oh." Iruka turned his head so he was speaking to the sky rather than the man's neck. "It was fine. Assassination. Tenzou didn't have time to make me uncomfortable." He close his mouth and shuffled closer to their bodies were touching almost all the way down. He opened his mouth and shut it again. He had to do this. He had to tell the man he was truly in love with. "Gai?"

"Hm?"

"Um, well, I've been thinking about this for a while and well I'm grateful for everything you've done for me and I don't really want to jeopardize that but I just wanted to tell you I reallyrespectyouandI'minlovewithyou but I'll understand ifyoudon'twantme." He closed his eyes tight and held his breath.

Gai blinked a few times as he separated out Iruka's closely glued sentence. There was a minor twang of pain as he thought about being in love with Kakashi but he pushed it down firmly. He couldn't be with Kakashi, but he could save Iruka from the same despair of rejection. "Iruka." He reached out and caught Iruka's chin, turning his head until they were facing one another. He lent down slightly to kiss him and they met in the middle, Gai quickly gaining control of the kiss. He flicked his tongue around the other man's and decided he really wouldn't mind saving the scarred dolphin.


	41. Epilogue

He pushed the papers into a neat pile and dropped them into his bag, hoisting it over his shoulder and leaving the room. He stopped at Ichiraku on the way home, ordered two vegetable ramens to go and continued along the street.

Once again he found himself back in the academy doing what he did best; teaching pre-gennin hooligans to throw kunai correctly. He smiled softly thinking about this particular group's prankster. There was always one, he decided. First Naruto, then Konohamaru, and now Yuki. 

Naruto had finally surpassed him. After missing the chuunin exams several times, he'd finally taken them in Konoha, then gone straight to the jounin exams in Wave and come home with an ANBU recommendation from the examiner. He'd gained the red scarf last week and set out this morning on his first mission as ANBU commander.

Konohamaru was already a jounin, having failed the chuunin exams twice, he went on to pass both the chuunin and jounin exams with flying colours. The boy hadn't matured much though, and had followed Naruto's example of perverted-jutsu-creation as a past time.

He'd left ANBU a year ago. The tension between himself and Tenzou had been thick enough to cut with a knife and eventually Ayame had become fed up with breaking up their arguments. He'd instead gone back to what he did best, teaching. Once more he was the beloved Iruka-sensei, chuunin teacher at the academy.

After his confession all those years ago, Genma had still taken the best part of nine months to tell Raidou how he felt and after months of Iruka laughing because he couldn't walk straight, the two of them had got married then taken a month's honeymoon at an onsen in Rock where they now had a firm allegiance. They were coming back a week before Iruka's own wedding to help him prepare and find something to wear. Genma had said he fussed like a girl about his clothes but then shut up when he realized he had done the exact same thing.

He smiled at the landlady and pushed open the front door to the apartment complex he lived in. He took the lift up and pushed open the door, placing the ramen on the table in the living room and kicking his shoes back into the porch, knocking the pair already sitting neatly side by side.

"Hey gorgeous."

He lean back into the strong embrace and breathed in the intoxicating scent of his partner. The man he was going to spend the rest of his life with. He interlaced their fingers, their rings sitting side by side.

"Gai," he whispered. "I love you."

"I love you too," came the equally soft reply.


End file.
